The Bottom of the News 2014

Monday, January 6

Oh, you’re too pitchy dawg. But don’t worry. There’s a pill for that. A Harvard researcher is working with a drug that might allow adults to develop perfect pitch.

+ Quora: What are activities that people are doing wrong every day but don’t know it?

+ Body odor and a lack of personal hygiene can inspire pity and generosity (and in Silicon Valley, often a lot of equity.)

+ Playing hide and seek? Don’t hide in a washing machine.

Tuesday, January 7

If it hasn’t already been consumed by a swollen solar fireball, the Earth’s orbit will have decayed and it will plunge into the sun. That’s the bad news. The good news is that probably won’t happen for another one hundred quintillion years. the BBC shares a timeline of the far future.

+ Jerry Sandusky wants his pension restored. Seriously.

+ T-Mobile CEO John Legere crashed the AT&T party at CES. And then got thrown out.

Wednesday, January 8

You can pay to send a message to celebrities on Facebook. So the folks at The Kernal paid to send along a cat photo just to see what would happen. (Spoiler alert: Save your money.)

+ Mental Floss: 30 things turning 30 in 2014. (I already have a couple typos that old.)

+ Dennis Rodman sings happy birthday to Kim Jong Un.

+ Is The Wolf of Wall Street really the sweariest movie of all time? Probably. (And that’s not even counting the expletives yelled by those in the audience.)

Thursday, January 9

Last year, NPR’s Bob Boilen saw a lot of live music. And I mean a lot: 662 shows, 549 bands,139 clubs, 21 cities. So he’s one of the few people on the planet qualified to write a piece on his 116 Favorite Concerts Of 2013.

+ These days, many Americans can’t recognize a top news anchor.

+ Twenty years later, McDonald’s faces a new hot coffee lawsuit.

+ Chinese billionaire Chen Guangbiao has the best business card in the world. And thanks to Slate, you can now generate one of your own.

Friday, January 10

A Facebook user is suing the company because of a claim that he never “liked” USA Today.

+ Can Time predict your politics? Take the quiz.

+ How many times did Bill Belichick smile this season? Seven.

+ Chris Christie’s Control Room.

Monday, January 13

“It is more than a decade after their fame peaked, and yet here [they] are … with a few thousand fans, fans who are screaming, shouting, singing along, laughing at every joke, shoving one another to get closer to the stage.” Torie Bosch courageously shares her story: I Went On A Backstreet Boys Cruise.

+ Sooner or later, everything good for you is bad for you. So maybe this headline was inevitable: The Dark Side Of Kale (other than trying to chew it).

+ For three straight hours, Peyton Manning yelled the word Omaha into your living room. Here’s proof.

+ Bill Murray is the most interesting man in the world.

Tuesday, January 14

“The egging incident marks the latest clash between the pop star and his neighbors, who have accused him of throwing loud parties and speeding through the neighborhood.” Justin Bieber has been detained and his home is being searched in connection with a felony egging case. (At his age, at least he doesn’t have to worry about the cholesterol.)

+ Paying at the pump: The government overpays for everything. Even penis pumps.

+ Zach Galifianakis to star in FX comedy from Louis C.K. (Seriously, what more could you people want?)

+ French President Francois Hollande is embroiled in a steamy and increasingly public affair. So his approval numbers are going up.

+ The beginning of the end: Artisanal Toast.

Wednesday, January 15

“Lie in bed with your partner. Ask to spoon, then hold her from behind. Ignore the cat that just jumped onto the bed.” From McSweeney’s, a guide to Kama Sutra for couples who have been dating over three years.

+ “The highway’s jammed with pissed off drivers with no place left to go.” Springsteen and Fallon rewrite Born to Run for the Gov Christie Traffic Jam.

+ Want to see how much CGI is used in major movies? Take a look at these outtakes from the Wolf of Wall Street.

+ What happens when the President sits down next to you at a cafe?

+ Lena Dunham. Vogue.

Thursday, January 16

So the news came out about Google buying a thermostat company and investors raced to buy stock in Nest Labs. Only Nest isn’t a publicly traded stock.

+ You’re on the Internet. So chances are, you’ll dig this InFocus collection of photos of animals in the news.

+ Can you differentiate between an actual ridiculous link bait headline and a fake one? Test your skills at Headlines Against Humanity.

Friday, January 17

Why is a tennis ball fuzzy? It’s probably a good idea to have a prepared answer for that and the other weird interview questions hiring managers ask.

+ Planning an infidelity? I’d suggest France.

+ 15 things to know about Popeye on his 85th anniversary.

Tuesday, January 21

“Nothing prepared me for being this awesome. It’s kind of a shock.” Mental Floss shares the fourteen things we learned from Bill Murray’s Reddit AMA.

+ Seven hand gestures that make you look like an intellectual. And the one gesture that can get you disqualified from a speed skating competition.

+ The time a driver didn’t notice the man stuck in his windshield.

+ Can you cure snoring with singing? Possibly. But you take the risk of living with both.

Wednesday, January 22

Looking for someone to blame today? This guy is as good as anyone. Meet the man responsible for Donald Trump’s never-ending presidential campaign.

+ I can see you typing. The most awkward part of online chat.

+ “My dad had given me a screenwriting program and I started the script just as an exercise to see if I could write a screenplay. Swingers is what came out.”

+ This photographer really, really doesn’t care that people are falling as they cross an icy Fifth Avenue in NYC.

Thursday, January 23

OK, before we get into this, let me say that I probably did worse things than Justin Bieber when I was nineteen (and I sold a total of zero albums). According to, well, everyone in the media and on social media, Bieber was arrested for a DUI and resisting arrest after drag racing his yellow Lamborghini, leading to what will undoubtedly be one of the world’s most famous mugshots. (At least he wasn’t snorting Smarties.)

+ Pope Francis just called the Internet a “gift from God.” (Clearly, he’s a NextDraft subscriber.)

+ Yes, you can bet on how many times Peyton Manning will yell “Omaha” during the Super Bowl. (Take the over…)

+ The Raider’s cheerleaders are suing their own team. And, surprisingly, it’s not because the team gives them nothing to cheer about.

Friday, January 24

“That’s what she said.” The rise and fall of the 2000s’ best bad joke. (It definitely grew bigger than I expected.)

+ Princeton says Facebook will lose most of its users in the next few years. So Facebook predicts the gradual demise of Princeton.

+ Burial plots now cost as much $70,000 in some parts of China. (The key is to buy them on a layaway plan.)

Monday, January 27

The most entertaining thing you’ll see today is this table tennis match that gets progressively more entertaining and absurd. And it’s fun for the whole family.

+ Toronto Sun: ‘True Detective’ makes other cop dramas look ordinary. I don’t remember the last time a new show started off with three episodes this great.

+ You can compete in the world’s toughest race. Or you can join me and just enjoy the photos.

+ Vincent and Jules might be paying a visit to Gawker headquarters. Quentin Tarantino has sued the company for posting a copy of his recently leaked script.

Tuesday, January 28

Let them watch us eating cake. It may sound weird, but Gastronomic Voyeurism is a thing. People pay to watch other people eating in front of a webcam. (And to think I’m wasting all this time typing…)

+ Some greats photos and stories from inside Mavericks. (Speaking of ocean endeavors, this guy fought off a shark, stitched himself up, and went to a pub.)

+ The American hot sauce craze in one chart.

+ He’s still in diapers. And he rides a skateboard better than you.

+ Let’s end on an incredibly positive note. The long regulatory road to America’s first cat cafe could finally reach the promised land.

Wednesday, January 29

The petition demanding the deportation of Justin Bieber now has more than 100,000 online signatures. That means the White House must respond. “We the people of the United States feel that we are being wrongly represented in the world of pop culture.”

+ There are a few reasons why the dollar bill never changes. One is that a change would really piss off the vending machine industry.

+ A judge sentenced an eco-terrorist to time in jail, and ordered her to read a book by Malcolm Gladwell (cruel and unusual?).

+ Mayonaise dominates.

+ Ever wonder what it looks like to get caught in a 25 foot wave? It goes something like this.

Thursday, January 30

Celery. Avocados. Almonds. And of course, lots and lots of bananas. Welcome to the world of the horticultural Kama Sutra, where sometimes asparagus is more than asparagus.

+ At an elementary school in Salt Late City, about 40 kids watched as their school lunches were seized and tossed in the garbage because they had outstanding balances.

+ A toxicology report revealed that during his remarkably slow drag race, Justin Bieber had traces of Xanax and marijuana in his system. (I still remember when I was young enough to function on only two drugs…)

Friday, January 31

The bad news: You’re probably suffering from Caffeine Use Disorder. The good news: As disorders go, that one isn’t all that bad.

+ Can snowboarding be saved? (Did you know it needed saving?)

+ Rutgers University is offering a course where students can study Beyonce. (Too late. I’m already an autodidact.)

Monday, February 3

Arthur Chu did really well on Jeopardy. And he sort of irritated a lot of viewers in the process. That’s what happens when you use game-theory to gain an edge. Where did Chu hone his craft? On the Internet, where else?

+ Did you just get a call from a number you don’t recognize? Don’t call back. It could be a scam.

+ Looks like we’re in for another six weeks of Winter. Punxsutawney Phil saw his selfie.

Tuesday, February 4

At long last, McDonald’s is showing the Internet how McNuggets are made. And it’s not nearly as gross as you’d hope.

+ Ten years later, and still, no one really knows what the hell a Facebook poke is.

+ Here’s a look at some of Facebook’s key design changes over the years.

+ Each year Sony calls for entries to its photography contest. That means Alan Taylor of InFocus has another fantastic collection to share.

Wednesday, February 5

“Ray is actually the most interesting guy to me, because he’s pathologically honest, and he can be toxic to other people when he’s angry and can’t regulate it. But he shows, for the most part, an amazing amount of insight into himself and other people.” As if their symtoms weren’t obvious enough, here’s a psychiatrist analyzing the characters on Girls.

+ “During a couples-therapy session, therapist Ellen Winston of Lakewood, Colo., brought along her assistant, Sasha — who happens to be a dog.”

+ Can someone who was a reality TV star get demoted? We’ll find out. Clay Aiken is running for Congress.

+ Cold? Well at least there’s this: Shivering as a form of exercise.

+ Richard Sherman is a shutdown cornerback. He’s also a shutdown Tweeter.

Thursday, February 6

“To me, America used to be a place that made steel and cars and had giant department stores. Now basically we produce amateur talent and people that judge amateur talent.” Jerry Seinfeld gets coffee with Howard Stern.

+ Please, as a service to those who call themselves your friends, stop sharing your Facebook Look Back video. And share Rob Ford’s instead.

+ James Carville has joined Fox News.

+ Why is it so hard to kill the business card?

Friday, February 7

Equal but Separate: “There’s more gender-fluidity when it comes to who brings in the money, who does the laundry and dishes, who drives the car pool and braids the kids’ hair, even who owns the home … But the very qualities that lead to greater emotional satisfaction in peer marriages, as one sociologist calls them, may be having an unexpectedly negative impact on these couples’ sex lives.” From NYT Magazine: Does a More Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex? (There’s absolutely no way I’m doing the dishes tonight.)

+ Another big data powered marketing flub. This time, a letter gets sent to Lisa is a slut McIntire.

+ Syndicated from Kottke: Every Prince hairstyle from 1978 to 2013.

+ Celebrities reading mean tweets about themselves. Awesome.

Monday, February 10

For a few brief Internet moments, game maker Dong Nguyen had the very thing that everyone who puts stuff on the Internet thinks they want more than anything: A full-fledged hit. Flappy Bird went viral, and it went to the top of the charts in the app stores. And then it went away right after its creator tweeted: “I cannot take this anymore” and removed the game from stores.

+ So you want to be the ambassador to Argentina? This seems like a fair question: Have you ever been to Argentina?

+ People waiting for six hours in the rain for a beer? It must be Pliny the Younger.

+ Bruce Springsteen plays Highway to Hell. (You’re welcome.)

+ Ice dancing not exciting enough for you? Maybe you’d prefer to watch people walking across a tightrope between two hot air balloons.

Tuesday, February 11

Does Barbie send the wrong message to young girls? What about the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue? Not sure? What about Barbie appearing in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue?

+ “It was just too addictive.” The creator of Flappy Bird on why he pulled the game.

+ 28 Days of Fame: The Strange, True Story of Flappy Bird.

+ The Atlantic: True Detective — The Best Show on TV. I can’t think of a TV show with four straight episodes that were this fantastic.

Wednesday, February 12

Slate’s Willa Paskin argues that Amazon has finally made its House of Cards. She’s talking about the excellent pilot episode of a show called Transparent. It’s one of the new shows that Amazon will produce if enough viewers give the it high marks. The show comes from Jill Soloway (Six Feet Under, United States of Tara) and it’s awesome. Watch it. Rate it highly. And let’s get a full season.

+ Derek Jeter to retire at the end of the 2014 season. (Plans to have sex full time.)

+ A GoPro falls from a plane and lands in a pig pen.

+ Finally, an app that can make you write like Hemingway.

Thursday, February 13

Blockbuster. Mister Donut. Even Friendster. Brands that might be dead in their home countries still live on across the globe.

+ Why writers are the worst procrastinators. (I meant to include this yesterday.)

+ You know marijuana gives you the munchies. But do you know why?

Friday, February 14

“Greet him in sweatpants when he arrives home. Then don’t take them off. Ever.” Valentine’s Day is just the occasion to re-read McSweeney’s guide to Kama Sutra for couples who have been dating over three years.

+ “You always try to fix it when what I need you to do is listen.” It’s Not About the Nail.

+ Breaking: Internet Trolls Really Are Horrible People.

Tuesday, February 18

Many people in Spain have suffered through a terrible economic stretch, and that has led some locals (and even some government officials) to wonder if it’s time to skip the siestas and start having dinner at a reasonable hour. Wait, we’re talking about Spain, right?

+ PSA: There’s a clown shortage.

+ When you fall in love, this is what Facebook sees. (Meanwhile, marketers just see an opportunity to sell you a bigger mattress.)

Thursday, February 20

“You may never know their names or see their faces, but becoming a go-to voice in Hollywood requires just as much hard work and hustle as making it on the big screen.” From Narratively: Secrets From Voiceover School. (Related: Lake Bell directed and starred in a fun movie on this topic called: In a World…)

+ The excellent Om Malik is leaving the day to day grind of his creation, GigaOm: Here’s his post on the subject: “Living a 24-hour news life has come at a personal cost. I still wake in middle of the night to check the stream to see if something is breaking, worrying whether I missed some news. It is a unique type of addiction that only a few can understand.” (Om, wait, take me with you…)

+ Kansas focuses on spanking.

+ James Franco on Shia LaBeouf in the NYT. Wait, what?

+ Mental Floss: The original locations of famous fast food chains.

+ Winter is coming. Again. The Polar Vortex isn’t done yet.

Monday, February 24

“Now I loathe and despise the media in a way I did not think possible.” Alec Baldwin says good-bye to public life. And it only took him 5357 words in a national magazine to do it.

+ Adam Muema left the NFL Combine because God told him that he was already certain to be drafted by the Seattle Seahawks. (I wonder how he’d react if God told him he’d be playing for the Cleveland Browns…)

+ Two Cellos. AC/DC’s Thunderstruck.

+ MovieFone is dead. But there are still a few services that will take your call.

Tuesday, February 25

If you are of a certain age, there’s almost no doubt you spent a few hours of your youth listening to prank calls recorded by a duo that called themselves The Jerky Boys. Times have changed. Can they make a comeback? From Rolling Stone: The Calls that Changed Comedy.

+ “We really, genuinely felt we were writing the most successful comedy to date.” The oral history of Ghostbusters. (It seems wrong to have to read an oral history…)

Wednesday, February 26

“So, let’s step outside and handle this like two grown men who happen to collect Star Wars figurines.” From McSweeney’s: I hope you enjoy this artisanal knuckle sandwich.

+ 7 ways to be the most interesting person in the room (this is a bit redundant for NextDraft readers.)

+ Forget game theory and Jeopardy. How do you win at Wheel of Fortune? (My parents and I often bonded over our shared contempt of those players who purchased unnecessary vowels.)

+ BBC: The hazards of urban skiing.

Thursday, February 27

According to Buzzfeed’s Will Herrmann, it’s not all that tough to use data to predict who will win this year’s top Academy Awards.

+ Does the NFL have any business telling Black players to stop saying the N-Word? (And if so, can they penalize a player for calling someone a Redskin?)

+ The A’s Josh Reddick welcomes us back to baseball with two homerun stealing grabs.

+ How a good user interface can make you tip more.

+ Adam Driver, the guy from Girls, just landed a part in the new Star Wars movie.

+ My wife is on a plane. And by the time she lands, I want to have gotten her a thousand new Twitter followers. In the Internet age, this is what counts as a grand, romantic gesture. And if I don’t prove that I can accomplish this feat, she might not believe my subscriber numbers and make me get a real job. So, Follow My Wife, Please (and tell your followers to do the same). Oh, and you’ll totally enjoy following her. She’s like me, but attractive, smart, funny, and less needy.

Friday, February 28

Meet me at a small shack in a condo complex in Hawaii. We’re going to dine at America’s top rated restaurant. According to Yelp.

+ Syndicated from Kottke: Nice short video tour of the U.S. Naval Observatory with Dr. Demetrios Matsakis, Chief Scientist for USNO’s Time Services. Where does time come from?

+ The highest paid interns in Silicon Valley.

+ Photos: The Murmurations of Starlings.

+ And since it’s the weekend, here’s a guide to the fastest way to get drunk.

Monday, March 3

Breaking Bad: You’re eating your pancakes. You have a perfect, unobstructed view of the ocean. The waves are so close they look like they could crash right through the window. And then one does. The most amazing part is the patron in the second video who’s immediate reaction is: “Time to go.”

+ It’s rare that a headline like this lives up to its promise. But this one basically does: Snake eats crocodile after battle.

+ The secret behind America’s best hoodie.

+ I know Pope Francis is trying to be a little more edgy than his predecessors. But the F bomb?

+ 55 straight green lights. You win.

Tuesday, March 4

These days, with your job getting more complex and your privacy at risk, it pays to be tech savvy. So it might surprise you to learn that one in ten Americans think that HTML is an STD. And 27% think a gigabyte is a South American insect.

+ “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that you are here, but why are you here? What good could come of this? Have you ever seen this show?” Toronto Mayor Rob Ford decided to appear on Jimmy Kimmel’s show. It was a poor decision, but not that poor by comparison to the others he’s made.

+ Why does your nose get stuffy one nostril at a time?

+ Syndicated from Kottke: A collection of starlings is called a murmuration and when they roam the skies together, it’s beautiful:

+ Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah … Bruce Springsteen covers Stayin’ Alive. Why not, he also covered Royals by Lorde in Auckland (it was the first time my 5 year-old daughter and 7 year-old son both wanted to watch the same thing.)

Wednesday, March 5

“I found the one thing I was good at and I just kept sticking with it.” Grantland has an excellent video piece on a guy who shot a perfect Putt Putt score.

+ The Winklevoss twins have announced their intention to travel into space. (Now that they’ve made this announcement, I bet Zuckerberg will build a spaceship and get there first.)

+ The Hipster Music Index.

+ If you love True Detective, you’ll love this theory on the identity of the Yellow King.

Thursday, March 6

“I think of myself as the kind of investor who sits on the same side of the table as the entrepreneur. If it’s a stand-up desk, I’ll stand. If it’s a treadmill desk, it’s still doable. I mean, I’m wearing dress shoes right now, but I can easily pivot and put on some sneakers.” I’ve been investing in start-ups for more than a decade. So I figured I’d offer a little insight into the current funding environment: Here’s your guide to raising $10 million for your tech start-up without really trying.

+ “Thank you for submitting your tape of “U2″ … We have listened with careful consideration, but feel it is not suitable for us at present. We wish you luck with your future career.” From Mental Floss: 10 rejection letters sent to famous people.

+ According to the style section of record, the monocle has returned as a hipster fashion accessory. (Maybe someone just broke all their regular glasses.)

+ A dog is a man’s best friend; especially when she saves his life.

+ MadMen returns in just over a month. In the meantime, I present 9 seconds of Don Draper.

Friday, March 7

“The undersheriff said neighbors told deputies they thought the woman had moved out of the country because they had not seen her for three or more years.” The downside to having your bills automatically deducted from your account: Mummified body discovered in garage of foreclosed Pontiac house.

+ What happens when you let reader preferences determine the front page of a newspaper? (Hint: Less Ukraine.)

+ Maybe the law can catch up to technology. “It is now illegal to surreptitiously take photographs under a woman’s skirt in Massachusetts.” (It wasn’t illegal yesterday…)

Monday, March 10

Now you can ignore your pet in the name of taking care of your pet: Every Dog Has Its Data. (Your dog just wants you to stop looking at your phone and throw the damn stick.)

+ Got Milk? Well, first you’re gonna need a whole lot of water. Dairy products and their big water footprint.

+ Fifty things that turn fifty this year.

+ At long last, a definitive ranking of every Real Housewife ever.

+ I had a few thoughts on what happened to that hour you lost this weekend.

Tuesday, March 11

“But when Puddles the Clown sang his songs, something happened. He was no longer scary; he was no longer creepy; everything on the outside faded away. His voice was an equalizer.” Grantland’s Justin Heckert goes in search of Puddles, the saddest clown of all, whose voice — along with Lorde’s music — made him an Internet star.

+ The owners told the 911 dispatcher that the cat has a history of violence.

+ Twenty strangers were asked to kiss each other.

+ An honest trailer for Frozen.

Wednesday, March 12

“It takes a number of years to develop the car. It’s a great project to work on. This particular one, more so than any of them in the past. In the past, they were retrofitting existing vehicles — with this, this is really from the ground up a new vehicle, and we really do it right.” The Secret Service is seeking bids for new presidential limo.

+ “It just catches you because they were fly as hell.” The short documentary on how a controversial jersey design helped lead a team to a national title: Untucked.

+ It’s official. Well, sort of official. The five-second rule is real.

Thursday, March 13

The record for crushing walnuts with one’s head has been completely obliterated. Mohammad Rashid smashed 155 walnuts in a minute. And thanks to the glory of the Internet, you can watch this laudable achievement over and over.

+ We spent $56 billion on our pets last year (and my cat’s still pissed).

+ The secret to holding your breath for 20 minutes.

+ “A few months ago I spent one of those beautiful Scottish summer mornings watching a 450 kilogram pig ejaculate into a coffee Thermos that was being held at an appropriate ‘catch-all’ angle by a bearded Slovenian man. Wait. Let me clarify.”

Friday, March 14

“I found it indecent that I had to see the nipples of Anthony Kiedis.” This year’s Super Bowl FCC complaints are in.

+ Two weeks ago, Walter Williams died and was placed in a body bag. A few hours later, he started moving around and it turned out he was actually alive. Yesterday, he died again. (I’m guessing they’ll wait a few extra hours before they start the embalming process this time.)

+ Is America falling out of love with TV dinners?

+ Someone threw up on Lada Gaga. And it was part of the show.

+ The Internet really can be pretty fun.

Monday, March 17

“The end of human consciousness will also mean an end to humanity’s most perplexing and frustrating question: “How did a guy like Mark Cuban make all that money?” Since scientists are learning more about the origins of the planet, I thought I’d provide a list of the six ways the world could end.

+ Life as a Lego Professional.

+ “Actually” is apparently the most futile and overused word on the Internet.

Tuesday, March 18

“Don’t talk a lot if you have high status. People will assume you’re competent and when you talk, they will listen to you.” That’s one piece of leadership advice. Here’s another: Dress like a slob, especially in places where most people are dressed well.

+ Here’s an amazing collection of winning shots from the Sony Photography Awards.

+ “That year I went from being a poor high school dropout who toured in vans to have fun and worked manual labor to buy pot, to recording that album. When you’re standing in front of 50,000 people at Reading and they’re singing along with every word, it’s hard not to look out and think, How the f**k did this happen?” A brief oral history of the early days of Nirvana.

Wednesday, March 19

“On his computer he keeps an up-to-date list of his progeny to reduce the risk that they might unwittingly interbreed.” Ed Houben donates his sperm, in “the traditional way.” And he’s up to 98 kids and counting.

+ Ten years after the show’s debut, the Lost writers are still answering questions. They’re the ones we should ask about the missing plane…

+ Armadillos nearly always give birth to identical quadruplets. If you didn’t know that, then you might want to check out this list of 77 facts that sound like complete lies.

+ Here’s a dog that just sold for $2 million. (My cat wouldn’t even appear via telepresence robot for that money.)

Thursday, March 20

Jeopardy gets all the press, but I was brought up on Wheel of Fortune. And this week, a contestant pulled off what Pat Sajak called the “most amazing solve in my 30-plus years on the show.” Here it is, along with some other great moments around the Wheel.

+ Deadspin searches for the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America.

+ Here’s a list of the 101 most insane things that have ever happened in Florida. (I have no idea how they narrowed down the list this much.)

Friday, March 21

“On the first day, God created the navy blue blazer with brass buttons and khakis. And I looked and saw that it was not good. On the second day, He made the ill-fitting all-black suit. And I looked and saw that it was kinda bland. On the third day he created the boxy grey suit — and things were starting to get bleak. On the fourth day, I cried. The hunt for my bar mitzvah suit was failing miserably.”

+ Frank Underwood knows how to get a bill passed. Does Kevin Spacey? We’re about to find out. He’s in Annapolis to support a tax credit that has benefited the production of House of Cards. Speaking of House of Cards, I had a little run-in with the show on Twitter the other day. (Slight spoiler alert.)

+ In New Mexico, organizers are planning a landfill dig in search of the worst Atari game of all time. That’s what is so great about the Internet. The worst stuff is never more than a click away.

Monday, March 24

A single quote “inspired no fewer than five op-eds, several think pieces and take-downs on various local blogs, hundreds of tweets and Instagram photos.” What was the quote? “New Orleans is not cosmopolitan. There’s no kale here.”

+ BBC: What medieval Europe did with its teenagers.

+ Extreme Badminton.

+ I guess everyone likes a good mystery.

Tuesday, March 25

Yes, it was impressive when a San Francisco Girl Scout came up with the idea of selling her cookies outside of a medical marijuana facility. But Oklahoma City’s Katie Francis was not to be outdone. She sold a record 18,107 boxes.

+ New Yorker: “A recent study has shown that if American parents read one more long-form think piece about parenting they will go f**king ape shit.”

+ Things just haven’t felt right over the past few years. But maybe that will change. Diddy is going back to being Puff Daddy.

+ Your son’s tooth is loose and you are a nerdy, modern parent. So what do you do? You break out the floss (along with a video camera and a DJI Phantom 2 Vision quadcopter). Hopefully, the Tooth Fairy will leave some Bitcoin under this kid’s pillow.

Wednesday, March 26

As its 50th anniversary approaches, Esquire’s Chris Jones tries to explain the longevity of Jeopardy!. “My belief is that Jeopardy! has survived and will continue to survive because it is hard.” And here’s Mental Floss with a brief history of the show.

+ Christopher Miller robbed a store and spent 13 years in prison. The day after he got out, he robbed the exact same store.

+ A pretty amazing rescue by the Houston Fire Department was caught on video.

+ Male university students in North Korea are now required to get the same haircut as Kim Jong-un.

+ Gwyneth and Chris don’t just break up. Welcome to the world of Conscious Uncoupling.

Thursday, March 27

“We think first of vague words that are synonyms for progress and pair them with them with footage of a high speed train.” This is a generic brand video.

+ According to some studies, wearing sunglasses makes you less moral. Who knows what kind of a monster you’ll become when you’re wearing virtual reality goggles

+ How a kid from Long Island became the King of Ramen.

Friday, March 28

McSweeney’s: “As you know, we took a lot of measurements this morning — height, weight, head circumference — and in most respects, your baby is doing great. There’s just one thing, and it’s not necessarily something to be concerned about, but we do need to talk about it: Your baby’s Klout score is in the 25th percentile.”

+ How the Bishop of Bling spent $43 million renovating his house.

+ Security guards outnumber high school teachers in the United States.

+ Quartz: How the phrase “no worries” infected American English. (I’m Jewish. It’s never even occurred to me to use that phrase.)

Monday, March 31

“Sometimes, when I’m tired, I just let it go, because it’s cold outside, and I’ve run out of board games to play and tedious craft projects to do. Every parent knows that a screen works flawlessly for subduing annoying kids.” Deadspin’s Drew Magary wonders: Why Are Screens Better Than Real Life?

+ “Anyone who’s been within a thousand miles of one can tell you… There is no tantrum like a Put-Down-the-iPad Tantrum.” I wrote a piece on the rage associated with pulling one’s attention away from a screen: Don’t Look Into the Light.

+ Looking back at the evolution of the Sony Walkman (I got my first one when it was still called the Soundabout).

+ Can Beyonce catch Madonna?

Tuesday, April 1

“We almost lost me. I’m never gonna take me for granted. Who would have thought that a means of communication limited to 140 characters would ever create misunderstanding?” Stephen Colbert fires back.

+ The Economist with the chart you’ve been waiting for: Comparing Apples and Oranges.

+ And if you must, here is Buzzfeed with the definitive guide to every April Fools’ day prank on the Internet. NPR shares five April 1 pranks gone bad. And McSweeney’s with a very short list of April Fools’ Day pranks to play on an unemployed twenty-something male who still lives at home with his parents.

Wednesday, April 2

“Disillusioned with a life that had become increasingly materialistic, he had abruptly abandoned his career as a neurologist and moved to a studio by the beach. The locals called him Slomo, knowing little about his past life, but cheering and high-fiving him as he skated by in slow motion. He had become a Pacific Beach institution.” By way of an article and a short documentary from the NYT, meet Slomo.

+ BloombergBusinessweek: Is Cap’n Crunch Staring Straight Into Your Child’s Soul?

+ Here’s the essay that helped get one student into eight Ivy League schools.

+ Americans are floating in a pool of Ranch Dressing. And it actually comes from a ranch.

+ Where Vodka is cheaper than water … the hotel minibar (and, one assumes, heaven).

+ Samsung has officially ruined the Selfie. (Luckily, Selfies already sucked.)

Thursday, April 3

When a big dog keeps a postal employee from delivering the mail, it’s not really news. But when a pretty small dog keeps the mail from being delivered to an entire neighborhood, it’s worth taking notice.

+ MentalFloss: Five happy little things you didn’t know about The Joy of Painting’s Bob Ross.

+ Does coffee really dehydrate us? (I’m too wired to really care.)

+ Visiting a conference for practitioners of orgasmic meditation. (Om … Om … OMG!)

Friday, April 4

Jon Hamm was once a contestant on a dating show, and he lost (for good reason). In this old clip, Mark L. Walberg is the host of the game show. He went on to host Temptation Island, and then somehow ended up as host of Antiques Roadshow.

+ Did the Chobani founder secretly buy his recipe from and ex-Fage employee?

+ The paintings of George W. Bush.

+ Good news. Those bison running out of Yellowstone were not running away from an earthquake. And they were actually running into the park. Oh, Internet…

Monday, April 7

Amazon has introduced a wand called Dash; “a thin, wand-like device … that includes both a microphone and a barcode scanner. Speak into it or scan a box of cereal or pack of toilet paper to automatically add that product to your AmazonFresh shopping list.” If this thing vibrates, I’m history.

+ Need to tone things down a bit after last night’s much anticipated return of Game of Thrones. Relax into a pair of headphones and enjoy the smooth jazz version of the show’s theme song.

+ Is Starbucks really recycling all those paper coffee cups?

+ And for my five year-old daughter (and every other kid I know, and most adults, and OK, me), here’s Kristen Bell singing Do You Want to Build a Snowman.

Tuesday, April 8

“Astronaut wives only had to hold out for a week before their husbands came home. If Sonia goes to Mars, she’s not coming back. The Mars One Project is a one-way trip to establish a permanent human colony there.” In Texas Monthly, Jason Stanford reflects on his wife’s travel plans: Honey, I Want to Move to Mars.

+ The scariest car recall: Spiders?

+ A bunch of internationally accomplished violinists played modern violions along with a Stradivarius worth millions. They couldn’t really tell the difference.

+ The meteoric rise of boys’ names ending with an N.

+ A showing of Noah was canceled due to flooding.

Wednesday, April 9

“As it was coupled with the bicycle emoji, I think this was the closest she’s ever come to clicking through to my profile, divorcing Jay-Z, and giving this 17-year-old man from Missouri a chance.” From McSweeney’s: This is the Instagram comment that will finally ignite my relationship with Beyonce. (I think it’s fair to assume that Jay and Bey are NextDraft subscribers.)

+ From ICEE through the present, at long last, here is the history of the Slurpee.

+ InFocus has some great shots from Smithsonian Magazine’s Photo Contest.

+ A message in a bottle arrives after 101 years. That’s a long time to wait for a retweet.

Thursday, April 10

For the latest cover of Rolling Stone, Julia Louis-Dreyfus took off her clothes and had the Constitution Photoshopped to her back. A little lower, we see John Hancock’s signature. Unfortunately, he signed the Declaration of Independence. It’s now almost impossible to differentiate between Dreyfus and a real Veep.

+ At least five percent of American Samoa has pink eye. Islands are the new cruise ships.

+ Buzzfeed: 2,321 words for drunk, ranked.

Monday, April 21

It’s hard to believe, but the FBI reports that a 16 year-old survived a flight from California to Hawaii while stowed away in a plane’s wheel well. (And he left his cell phone on during takeoff and landing.)

+ Quartz: Chipotle continues to refine the science of burrito velocity. Velocity I believe, but burrito?

+ The private lives of public bathrooms.

+ How Dodgeball became America’s most demonized sport. We had Dodgeball. Our kids have web comments.

Tuesday, April 22

These days it seems like every investor is sharing tips and branding themselves as experts. So after more than a decade of investing in, and working with, startups, I’ve decided to finally share My Secret Investment Strategy.

+ Naugahyde the Salami: The conviction has been upheld in the case of the guy who committed a sex act on a BART seat. (It would have been completely legal had he been taking a selfie.)

+ Does anyone know more about Katy Perry than Katy Perry? Yup.

+ Game of Thrones: An Honest (and incredible) trailer.

+ Want to sleep in? Here’s where you should live.

Wednesday, April 23

“The phones are taking away the ability to just sit there. That’s being a person. Because underneath everything in your life there is that forever-empty thing … that knowledge that it’s all for nothing and you’re alone … The thing is, because we don’t want that first bit of sad, we push it away with a little phone or a jack-off … You never feel completely sad or completely happy, just kinda satisfied with your product, and then you die.” GQ’s most excellent Andrew Corsello pays a visit to Louis C.K., America’s undisputed king of comedy.

+ It’s never too late to become an environmentalist. Welcome to the world of eco-friendly burials. (I’m still hoping to be recycled.)

+ On his 450th birthday, let’s take a look at 50 everyday phrases coined by the Bard. And here are 20 words we owe to Shakespeare.

+ The perks of being president. Obama got a reservation at the Jiro Dreams Of Sushi’ restaurant. I can’t wait to read his Yelp review.

+ Seriously, CNN needs an intervention.

Thursday, April 24

Time is out with its annual list of the one hundred most influential people in the world. Or as one of its four covers suggests: Beyonce and some other people.

+ Syndicated from Kottke: We all know Michael Jackson invented the moonwalk on-stage during a performance of Billie Jean at the Motown 25th Anniversary show. What this video presupposes is, maybe he didn’t?

+ A hamster-sized deer. Even your cat video thinks this is cute.

+ If football is so dangerous, why do NFL players live longer than the rest of us?

Friday, April 25

Adding to the list of related lawsuits, some former Buffalo cheerleaders are suing their NFL employers for violating several labor laws (and for repeatedly exposing them to Bills’ football). As part of the complaint, we’re given a rather disturbing glimpse into the General hygiene & lady body maintenance section of the cheerleaders’ handbook.

+ “Bands normally choose a genre of music to play before they start writing songs. You, for some reason, chose a genre of literature: mystery.” From McSweeney’s: I’m sick of being blackmailed into playing bass for your band.

+ The Netflix of Coffee. Forty-five bucks for all you can drink in a month. This offer should come with a straight jacket.

+ As you undoubtedly know, today is World Penguin Day. Here are 21 facts about penguins that you might not know.

Monday, April 28

You Never Forget Your First: Ten things about the night I brought my 7-year old son to see The National at the Greek Theater in Berkeley

+ “If you were to cross paths with one of your farming ancestors (circa 7,500 to 2,000 B.C.), he’d shove you to the ground, kick sand in your face, and jog off into the sunset with your mate slung over his shoulder.” In other words, by comparison, you are out of shape.

+ Coffee is so expensive, even Starbucks doesn’t want to buy it.

Tuesday, April 29

Most Chilean Sea Bass doesn’t really come from anywhere near Chile. Oh, and it’s not actually bass, it’s cod. From Pricenomics: The Invention of Chilean Sea Bass.

+ Willie Nelson is now a fifth-degree black belt in in the martial art of Gong Kwon Yu Sul. So seriously, you don’t want to bogart.

+ Melissa Etheridge did a killer cover of Only the Good Die Young during the Sirius Town Hall with Billy Joel. Here she is performing the same song the night before.

+ Esquire: Are sweatpants ever Okay?

Wednesday, April 30

At long last, here are ten handy phrases for bluffing on Thomas Piketty’s Capital in the Twenty-First Century. (NextDraft will help you bluff on everything else.)

+ Twelve obvious things confirmed by science. (Yes, meetings suck.)

+ If you are a pet and you want more pampering, these are the places where you should move.

Thursday, May 1

What’s the lowest rated movie in IMDB? Battlefield Earth? Gigli? (I actually thought the yoga scene was pretty good.) Ishtar? Nope. FiveThirtyEight introduces you to Gunday, by far the worst movie in the IMDb universe.

+ Syndicated from Kottke: All for one and one for all. A Japanese TV show took three expert fencers and pitted them against 50 amateurs.

+ My seven year-old son loves the Bee Gees. And he loves hard rock. So for him, here’s a mashup of Stayin Alive and Back in Black.

Friday, May 2

Was Pippa Middleton wearing a false bottom? Is Stephane Bern, “a Knight of the Order of Grimaldi in Monaco … known as a top royal ettiquette expert” correct in his assertion that, in reality, Pippa has normal buttocks? (The fact that someone can suggest such a thing and still have a head attached to his body is proof that the Royals have no power left.)

+ Wired: What’s the Pressure Inside an Exploding Whale?

+ New feature from InFocus: Photos of the Week.

+ How to win at rock-paper-scissors.

Monday, May 5

He was a man with nowhere left to run … and no taste. In one of the best SNL sketches in recent memory, a man learns what happens to people who don’t like Beyonce.

+ “In 2008, my slogan was ‘Yes, we can.’ In 2013, my slogan was control alt delete.” President Obama’s best jokes from the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.

Tuesday, May 6

The Washington Post tries to explain what it’s like to be 100 years old, in 10 charts. (Get up to pee every three charts, then you’ll know what it’s like…)

+ All politicians are not useless. Oregon Governor John Kitzhaber got out of his car to give a woman CPR. (He once left the stage during a debate to help someone in need.)

+ A new app enables San Francisco drivers to auction off their current parking spot to the highest bidder. (Mike Judge will never run out of material.)

Wednesday, May 7

Two-thirds of Americans say that they would put themselves in danger to retrieve a stolen phone.

+ Nine percent of Americans think aliens may have hijacked Flight 370. (At least CNN knows the size of its target market.)

+ Four hedge fund guys out-earned every Kindergarten teacher in America.

+ What does a million bucks get you in a Luxury RV? (It’s a lot cheaper to have your head examined.)

+ And it’s time once again for Japan’s annual baby crying contest.

Thursday, May 8

“We made small talk in the checkout line at Trader Joe’s. You said that you literally could not live without the salsa you were buying. I wish we could talk again. You used ‘literally’ incorrectly. It really pissed me off. I wish you could literally not live without that salsa, because then I’d take it from you.” The New Yorker: Missed Connections for A-Holes.

+ John Travolta took a lot of heat for his pronunciation of Idina Menzel’s name during the Oscars. She should just be glad that she wasn’t introduced by Al Sharpton. Wow.

+ Why do you hate watching pundits exchange heated political discourse on TV? Because no one ever throws a table at the other person. Until now.

+ The Cannibal Cop is now a prison chef.

Friday, May 9

Before you get too excited about Mother’s Day this weekend, you should probably know that its founder ultimately fought to have it abolished.

+ Once again, InFocus shares the photos of the week.

+ The World Bank “dug into their Web site traffic data and came to the following conclusion: Nearly one-third of their PDF reports had never been downloaded, not even once.”

+ And get ready for a show called Selfie.

Monday, May 12

In China, “every day, Kenny G’s Going Home is piped into shopping malls, schools, train stations and fitness centers as a signal to the public that it is time, indeed, to go home.” Makes sense. I usually leave when I hear Kenny G.

+ “Andre Johnson, the rapper known as Christ Bearer and/or Andre Roxx, says that it was a combination of missing his two daughters, marijuana and a book about monks and vasectomies that inspired him to remove his penis with a steak knife last month.”

+ Syndicated from Kottke — Spurious correlations: Tyler Vigen is collecting examples of data that correlate closely but are (probably) otherwise unrelated.

+ Want to live in Tony Montana’s house? The mansion where some of Scarface was filmed is for sale in Montecito, California. (Little friend not included…)

Tuesday, May 13

Big screen smartphones are selling like crazy and now account for a third of the market. Maybe we need bigger phones because we ruined our eyes staring endlessly at the regularly-sized models.

+ The show Louie got a whole lot more serious this week with an episode about a missing kid and this seven-minute scene about the relationship of men, women, and weight.

+ Why red M&M’s disappeared for a decade.

+ “I fave things because favoriting is important and society is broken and Twitter is a meaningless and empty way for me to pass the time and avoid any form of introspection that might make me a better or more productive person.” That’s why Mat Honan favorites Tweets. Here’s why the rest of us do.

Wednesday, May 14

A cat in Bakersfield may have saved a kid’s life when it chased away a vicious dog. And in doing so, the cat reminded us once again why the Internet was invented.

+ Whatever happened to roller skating?

+ Eighteen ways to say awesome.

Thursday, May 15

This month, thousands of college graduates will be disappointed with their commencement speakers (or reject them altogether). If you are among them, you can always put on your cap and gown and watch one of the 21 greatest graduation speeches in recent memory.

+ A Japanese drink maker is attempting to be the first company to deliver a commercial product to the moon for marketing purposes.

+ The employee who leaked the elevator video showing Solange and Jay-Z in a scuffle has been fired. That employee also made $250K from TMZ. So let that be a lesson to you! (I think…)

Friday, May 16

“I was feeling bored and lonely, so I joined Tinder as a dog.” That could be my favorite opening line of all time. The rest is pretty good too.

+ Vanity Fair: Chipotle cups will now feature stories by Jonathan Safran Foer, Toni Morrison, and other authors. (They should feature directions to the closest real burrito.)

+ “I went undercover on Ashley Madison to find out why women cheat.”

+ If you like really weird political debates where the oddball challengers totally steal the show, then come with me on this virtual trip to Idaho. And it’s definitely a trip.

Monday, May 19

“The bitch of it is there’s no planned obsolescence. When people say, ‘I’ve got my grandmother’s pan,’ I say, ‘That’s not helping me a damn bit.'” It’s not easy being in the cast iron business. (I’ve always preferred Valyrian Steel.)

+ Andy Samberg returns to SNL and brings a killer digital short. Don’t miss the DJ known as Davvinvii.

+ Looking for the latest crop of eligible singles? You might want to try a site called Farmers Only. Meanwhile, back at the ranch…

Tuesday, May 20

“Capitalism and Schizophrenia: Contemporary Visual Culture and the Acceleration of Identity Formation/Dissolution.” Check out the academic paper that sort of led to Buzzfeed.

+ McDonald’s terrifying new mascot was made for the meme age.

+ How far your paycheck goes in 356 U.S. cities.

+ Look what the cat dragged in: A bag of weed. (Hopefully Fancy Feast makes a Doritos-flavored cat food.)

Wednesday, May 21

We love a good comeback story or a tale of someone who bootstrapped themselves to success. But if the Internet has taught us anything, it’s that we love to see people fall on their faces (and maybe even give them a little push) even more. Christine Grimaldi wonders, why does schadenfreude make us feel so good?

+ What will it take for Universal Pictures to complete the Fast and Furious movie that stars the late Paul Walker? Two brothers, face replacement technology, and according to them, about $50 million of insurance money.

+ France’s state-run railway system ordered a new fleet of trains. But they are too wide to fit in many of their stations.

+ Climate debaters finally found something they can agree on: The forecast calls for Sharknado.

Thursday, May 22

It’s rare when it’s a good idea to accept a billion dollar divorce settlement. But I think we can safely say that Russia’s ‘”fertilizer king” would have been off taking that initial deal. Instead, he was just hit with a record $4.8 billion divorce judgment.

+ A Brazilian street artist has created the World Cup’s first viral image (and it could be powerful enough to be its last.)

+ Syndicated from Kottke: Through a series of unlikely events, Steven Frank was able to master the near-unwinnable Dragon’s Lair when he was a kid. And for one day, it made him a God amongst kids. (Well, nerdy kids anyway.)

Friday, May 23

Looking to get your favorite band to play at an upcoming event? Pricenomics has been kind enough to put together a rough-estimate rate card so you’ll know how much it might cost you. My parents actually tried to book Barry Manilow for my bar mitzvah. Alas, he was booked. (Thankfully, so was Macklemore…)

+ Someone in Palo Alto would like their missing drone back.

+ What the hell is the whole nine yards?

+ Whoever came up with the idea for celebrities reading mean tweets about themselves should receive a Nobel prize.

Tuesday, May 27

“Edsel, the son of Sam Wo’s owner, began as a waiter and soon became the restaurant’s coming attraction — and for an unlikely reason: he was the rudest, most despotic waiter to ever walk the earth.”

+ So Bill Murray walks into a bachelor party…

+ Steve Perry performs publicly for the first time in 19 years.

+ How Don Draper will die, according to the CDC.

Wednesday, May 28

“It gives me incredible energy I don’t get from other food and drinks.” From NY Mag: Meet the Men Who Drink Breast Milk. (I know a few babies who drink it, and they seem to sleep all the time.)

+ A new level of terror: A Mosquito Tornado.

+ A yet another newer level of terror: Tiger photos on dating sites.

+ Getting inside the mind of an elite spelling coach.

Thursday, May 29

According to a recent study, cynics are at a higher risk of developing dementia. Thankfully, none of them will believe this study.

+ What happens if you blow in LeBron’s ear during an NBA playoff game? Not much, but it was worth a shot.

+ “I’ll tell you what brilliance in advertising is: 99 cents. Somebody thought of that.” The Complete Quips of Mad Men’s Roger Sterling.

+ Claire Meyer: The time Minnie Mouse took off her head and projectile vomited at me.

+ (New feature) Popular from yesterday’s NextDraft: Thoughts on Maya Angelou.

Friday, May 30

According to his family, Shri Ashutosh Maharaj died in January. But his disciples at his Ashram insist that he’s still alive, and is simply meditating.

+ McSweeney’s: Client Feedback on the Creation of the Earth.

+ Breaking: Narcissists are capable of empathy after all. (I don’t know what they hell they expect me to do with that information.)

+ The 9/11 Cheese Plate has been removed from the gift shop.

+ 25 words that are their own opposites.

+ (New feature) Popular from yesterday’s NextDraft: The fraternity musings of the Snapchat CEO and why this doesn’t reflect my views.

Monday, June 2

Forget big news and new technological breakthroughs. This will always be remembered as the day when Prince showed up at the French Open wielding a scepter.

+ Phil Collins joins a student band at Miami Country Day to sing a few hits.

+ Smart e-Cigarettes that track your vital signs. (Is looking like a complete douche a vital sign?)

+ “Although my training tells me not to overuse exclamation points because they are shouty and juvenile, I find myself using them because I fear being seen as unfriendly or insincere if I only use a period.” Even grammar experts can’t help themselves. It’s too late. Exclamation marks are unstoppable now.

+ Even elephants take selfies.

+ (New feature) Popular from yesterday’s NextDraft: This weekend, everyone I know was talking about the Client Feedback on the Creation of the Earth piece featured with some other interesting/odd stuff in Friday’s bottom of the news.

Tuesday, June 3

I’ve known about this app for a long time, but I’ve had to hold it in until now. Goodby, Silverstein & Partners has come up with an app to get kids to think more about the nutritional content of the foods in the grocery store. How could that be possible? Well, here’s a hint: The app is called Fart Code.

+ What do you do if you just sold your headphone company to Apple? You buy the Tom Brady-Gisele Bundchen estate for $40 million.

+ Cat people are smarter than dog people. (In case that wasn’t self-evident every time you saw a dog person walking around with a plastic bag on their hand.)

+ Related: Redesigning the fire hydrant.

+ Mental Floss: 25 things hiding in sports logos.

+ (New feature – Let me know if you like it.) Popular from yesterday’s NextDraft: Why you hate work, ignoring co-workers, the Valley vs Hollywood — Working 9 to Forever.

Thursday, June 5

“Are you surrounded by fools? Are you the only reasonable person around? Then maybe you’re the one with the jerkitude.” I distinctly remember my mom explaining this theory to me in junior high. For a refresher, here’s Aeon’s Eric Schwitzgebel with a theory of jerks.

+ Bill Gates could buy every home in Boston. (Or a flat with tandem parking in San Francisco.)

+ The strange beneficial/predatory relationship between TMZ and Justin Bieber (and by extension, the celebrity gossip-reading public).

+ Here are 30 commonly mispronounced food words (and a guide to saying them correctly).

+ (New feature – Let me know if you like it.) Popular from yesterday’s NextDraft: Our kids are typing their way through school. Is that hurting their education? The Handwriting on the Wall.

Friday, June 6

The folks over at Pricenomics are trying to figure out why people don’t adopt black pets? One study “found that dogs with black coats were more likely to be euthanized, while dogs with white, gold, and gray coats had significantly higher adoption rates.” During a recent and difficult discussion with my cat, I was forced to admit that we mostly chose her because her coat matches our couch.

+ LOL just turned 25. On the Internet, isn’t that close to retirement age? (And here’s a look at the one hundred most used emojis.)

+ Frozen has increased tourism to Norway.

+ Think your workout schedule is tough? Try playing the lead in Rocky, the Musical.

+ (New feature – Let me know if you like it.) Fascinating from yesterday’s NextDraft: The rising tide of stay at home dads.

Monday, June 9

“It’s hard to overemphasize the passivity of tubing. It is sloth ingeniously disguised as adventure. Though you are outside, you may as well be in your living room watching television. The tube forces you into a nearly horizontal recline, a posture easily mistakable for someone taking a nap.” Sounds like my kind of sport. Sam Anderson on the laid-back art of tubing.

+ Buzzfeed: I joined a telephone laughter club.

+ The high art of competitive eating.

+ Throniacs, you can now watch Jon Snow silently brood over and over.

+ It was “orchestral movements from the hood night” at the Seattle Symphony as the band accompanied Sir Mix-A-Lot on his biggest hit.

+ Several of you didn’t receive Friday’s edition, which had some really interesting stuff. Take a look at the Kitchen Counter Revolution.

Tuesday, June 10

Twitter cards now enable people to subscribe to NextDraft with a single click. If you have a fraction of a second to spare, please Retweet this card and be forever loved by me (and your followers).

+ So, are we prepared to dismiss our preconceived notions of her as some sad gum-chewing has-been to make room for another interpretation? What if Britney has somehow become a feminist role model for single working mothers here and everywhere?” I’m not sure we’re prepared for that, but that doesn’t make this read on Britney’s residence in Las Vegas any less interesting.

+ “The latest evidence suggests that typefaces convey their own meanings and elicit their own emotions independent of the words they spell out.” Yes, it’s time to face the science of Comic Sans.

+ Nintendo announces a new 3D open world Legend of Zelda. In the NextDraft I customize for my wife and son, this was today’s top story.

+ The blasphemy of impersonating a Mister Softee truck. When I want to experience the cool, refreshing burst of frozen chemicals, only the original will do.

Thursday, June 12

“The relationship between Lovatt and Peter was certainly unnatural, but not unheard of. Still, I strongly urge you to stay away from dolphins in a sexual capacity.” The Wire reports on the science experiment that led to close encounters between a woman and a dolphin. (In some corners of the Internet, this story will completely overshadow the World Cup.)

+ Syndicated from Kottke: The IPPAWARDS has been judging an iPhone photography competition since 2007 and they recently announced the winners of their 2014 competition.

+ 16 Pictures Of Beyoncé Where She’s Not Sinking In Quicksand. Plus, 7 Pricks Who Defied The Odds And Didn’t Go Into Finance. Yes, The Onion has officially launched its parody of buzzy sites. Welcome to the Clickhole. But will anyone know it’s a parody?

+ Mike Evans worked a crazy schedule as the co-founder of GrubHub. Now, he’s taking some time off from the grind of work. But his schedule is even tougher. He decided to ride his bike across America. And you can join me and follow along.

+ Bill Murray is everywhere these days. Including your wedding photos.

Friday, June 13

“But I’ll tell you the most believable thing about this whole series is the idea that Piper only got 15 months for running dope money … Because she’s white, rich, and blonde.” An ex-con reviews Orange Is the New Black.

+ “With a case of Busch beer by her side, a menthol cigarette in her hand, and a disco ball flashing overhead Miriam Burbank attended her last party.” Everyone wonders what it would be like to attend your own funeral. Miriam Burbank sort of did.

+ Is Tom Cruise still a movie star?

+ What’s the point of even having a mayor if he can’t keep Trump’s name out of the skyline?

+ Let’s go back in time and watch Louis C.K. doing some standup in 1987.

Monday, June 16

He “was intrigued upon learning that by pressing upward on the dog’s diaphragm, the meat shot out.” Four decades later, Newshour looks back at how Dr. Heimich got his maneuver.

+ Two tech entrepreneurs are celebrating their fourth wedding anniversary by rowing a boat from Monterey to Hawaii. (My wife and I are spending our anniversary being grateful neither of us married one of these people.)

+ Humans have spent more time watching Gangnam Style than writing all of Wikipedia. (Yeah, but have you ever tried to dance to Wikipedia?)

Tuesday, June 17

“They say never, ever be pictured with a drink in your hand and never swear. But this is a big fu**ing deal.” So said LA Mayor (and cool dude) Eric Garcetti while celebrating the Stanley Cup his city’s team had just secured. Needless to say, there was controversy. But most people were pro-F-bomb. Meanwhile, Bill de Blasio, mayor of the city of the losing team, was forced to sing I love LA on Jimmy Kimmel.

+ Nobody walks in LA. So why did a study just describe the city as being on the cusp of being a walkable city? (Some days, it would probably be faster walking the 405).

+ Vox tries to summarize why Lana Del Rey is so controversial (and in doing so, sort of explains the modern music industry).

+ When nuns sue a strip club.

Wednesday, June 18

“Be assured that my love for the city of San Marino is not diminished, and I will continue to do my best as a council member to fulfill the duties for which I was elected, and at the same time, restore the public’s confidence in me.” Yes, the mayor of San Marino has resigned after being caught tossing dog poop into his neighbor’s yard. (I’m reserving judgement until after I meet the neighbor.)

+ A cool look at insane record collections and the people who own them.

+ A guy from Detroit was arrested after trying “to throw a football containing drugs, cell phones and other contraband into the yard of a state prison.” The throw fell short and the football ended up being stuck between two fences. Let that be a lesson to you: Always lead the runner.

Thursday, June 19

“I am just back out here to make enough money to disappear again.” Dave Chappelle is back on stage in New York City.

+ When Hells Angels freezes over… Introducing Harley-Davidson’s electric motorcycle.

+ Why did Popeye’s have to fork over $43 million for its own recipes (and why did they want them)?

+ If you have tens of millions of dollars but your drive a beat-up, old car, then you must be a politician.

Monday, June 30

Before you start criticizing bank robbers, you should take note of the fact that many of them use public transit for their getaways.

+ Phone out of juice? You might want to consider recharging it with a plug-and-play donkey.

+ The UK government is bidding to overturn the ban on haggis in the United States. Time to lock down the borders…

Tuesday, July 1

“A man with a ponytail sold tickets to a comedy club, while guys in green vests hawked tickets for a bus tour. The crowds inched past. In the interstices of the mob were a Power Ranger, a Spider-Man, a Woody from Toy Story, Minnie Mouse, two Cookie Monsters, a Super Mario, Hello Kitty, two more Elmos, and a Batman.” The New Yorker’s Jonathan Blitzer takes you inside the world of a Times Square Elmo. I can’t picture Travis Bickle driving his cab through this Times Square … though by now, I suppose he’d be driving for Uber.

+ In honor of Canada Day, here are seven ways Canada is better than the United States.

+ “If you’re staying for a month or two, you probably want to behave yourself and be a good neighbor, but if it’s just for a weekend, it’s probably just to party.” AirBNB visits the Hamptons.

+ GM might have to start recalling cars made by other manufacturers. They’ve already recalled more cars in 2014 than they sold in the last seven years.

+ Want your listicle to succeed? Make sure it has an odd number of items.

Wednesday, July 2

“As art goes, Robin Thicke’s Paula is … the musical equivalent of a Facebook friend who refuses to stop overdoing it on tequila slammers and ranting about the demise of their relationship. It’s messy, it’s generally grammatically incoherent, it’s humiliating for everyone involved.” And even with all that going for it, apparently it’s not that good.

+ The tightness of today’s mens pants is enough to give anyone the bell bottom blues.

+ Lindsay Lohan has sued the makers of Grand Theft Auto for making a character like her.

+ Pizza joint owners are being extorted for Bitcoin.

Thursday, July 3

When I was a kid, I regularly reported to my parents that I could hear the lettuce screaming when I ate my salad. Time has proven that my reports were driven more by neurosis than scientific observation. Until now. According to a recent study, plants can hear themselves being eaten.

+ Ten tricks to appear smart during a meeting. (This piece skips number eleven: Don’t attend.)

+ As the hot dog eating contest approaches, it’s time to ask whether Joey Chestnut is the most dominant athlete in a century.

Monday, July 7

“German doctors say they have treated a Motorhead fan whose headbanging habit ultimately led to a brain injury, but that the risk to metal fans in general is so small they don’t need to give up the shaking.” And they said rock was dead.

+ The geographic legacy of Seinfeld. It was show about somewhere. And here are 25 future stars who were on Seinfeld.

+ Selfies are ruining the Tour de France.

+ Fireworks filmed by a drone. Thankfully, in this case, the drone didn’t fire back.

Tuesday, July 8

Andrew R. Rector was repeatedly shown on television as he slept through part of a Yankees-Red Sox game back in April. So now he’s suing MLB, ESPN, and the Yankees claiming that “the images of him asleep and the announcers’ commentary has damaged his reputation.” Well, this lawsuit ought to build it right back up.

+ Soon, we may all be dozing off (or even passing out) at baseball games. At long last, self-serve beer stations are making their debut. Beware of the seventh inning retch…

+ At the end of their game against the Blue Jays yesterday, the Angels franchise record was 4,272-4,272 and three ties.

+ Here are some photos of people lying in a week’s worth of trash, proving once again that there’s a thin line between roommate and compost.

Wednesday, July 9

President Obama spent the day in Denver where he found himself shaking hands with someone wearing a horse head. Then things got a little weird.

+ Dubai’s plans for a 48-million square foot indoor city. (Suggested name: The Ass-trodome.)

+ Two dozen people offer you their best advice on how to invest a single dollar.

+ Let’s take a first-person trip down the world’s tallest waterslide. (For those who were rooting for Brazil yesterday, this will feel redundant.)

Thursday, July 10

Ever find yourself reflecting on a co-worker who has worked their way up the corporate ranks with seemingly litte talent and wondered, “How do they do it?” It could be that they know how to use the dark triad of personality traits: manipulativeness, narcissism, and antisocial behavior. (Those seem to be the same things that work in dating.)

+ Can you identify these 90s hits by listening to just one second of music?

+ How do you rate your Uber driver when he essentially kidnaps you?

+ I just took my kids to see Raiders of the Lost Ark for the first time. With that in mind, here are 53 fascinating facts about Indiana Jones you probably never knew.

Friday, July 11

Everyone in business likes to talk about going after the lowest hanging fruit. So Pacific Standard’s decided to go in search of the world’s actual lowest hanging fruit. (This reminds me of joke my great-Uncle Mordy used to tell in the steam room.)

+ The ten most effective editing moments of all time.

+ If you were born between ’93 and ’97, you may have just received a letter from the Selective Service ordering you to register for the draft or face a fine and imprisonment. Thankfully, it was for the years between 1893 and 1897.

+ Will time-lapse iPhone photography put and end to the Selfie craze? Or will you just sit still in one place for a really long time?

Monday, July 14

Airbus has filed a patent to make flying even more uncomfortable. Imagine taking a long flight while sitting on a bicycle seat. If I see pedals, I’m out of there.

+ Maria Konnikova: What we really taste when we drink wine. (I usually taste drunkenness potentiality.)

+ Finally, in words and pictures, you get to follow the journey of a lobster from a trap to a table. (Spoiler alert: This doesn’t end well.)

+ Wolfgang’s Vault recently put 13,000 live performances on YouTube. Rock on.

Tuesday, July 15

Whenever I call customer service, I warn them that the call may be recorded for quality control. Journalist Ryan Block should have done the same as he recorded the already infamous Comcast service call from hell.

+ What makes one design cool and another uncool? Here’s FastCo on the science of cool. And here’s BoingBoing on the history of weird.

+ A brief history of houses built out of spite.

+ And how a church ended up on George Carlin Way.

Wednesday, July 16

He feels like the game Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 portrays him as “a kidnapper, murderer and enemy of the state.” So former Panama dictator Manuel Noriega is suing Activision Blizzard for using his name without permission. The Onion should sue Noriega. This story infringes on their turf.

+ What happens to a parody artist when life becomes a parody. We’re about to find out. From Grantland: The Winter of Weird Al.

+ Street art emerges and gets painted over or washed away. But now Google is helping street artists to preserve their work forever.

+ A big crater just opened up in Siberia, in an area already referred to as the end of the Earth.

Thursday, July 17

Some U.S. hospitals are following the lead of their European counterparts and using nitrous oxide as a way to relieve the pain of childbirth. I don’t know about childbirth, but it definitely makes parenthood easier.

+ McSweeney’s: Jamie and Jeff’s Birth Plan.

+ Consumerist: Confessions of a Comcast video repair agent.

+ Follow a NYC taxi’s daily slog (while there are still some taxis left).

Friday, July 18

Build a rocket. Shoot some arrows. Swim, ride, throw, camp, and more. It’s the season for Summer Camp for Adults. (When your kids are away at summer camp, and you’re at home, that’s summer camp for adults.)

+ The average shoe size is up about two sizes since the 70s. I wondered why my bell bottoms looked like skinny jeans.

+ It’s been a long news week. Let’s unwind with a kids swearing in movies mashup.

Monday, July 21

Carlos Slim, the world’s second richest person, has an idea. He thinks you should only work three days a week. (This works better if you’re not being paid by the hour.)

+ New at Banana Republic: The Startup Guy Collection. In my experience, that just includes undershorts and equity.

+ In 2004, the odds were 500-1 that Rory McIlroy would win the British Open within the next decade. His dad took those odds and made the bet, and won it yesterday.

+ At long last, cake you can spray out of a can.

Tuesday, July 22

New Yorkers are wondering who put the two white flags atop the Brooklyn Bridge. (You didn’t expect the hipsters to stand and fight, did you?)

+ The Cornish beaches where Lego keeps washing up.

+ Chipotle is now a $20 billion company and analysts say there’s still plenty of room to grow. (Sure, they could start selling real burritos…)

+ Derek Jeter by the numbers. It’s good to be the Captain.

+ And how about a little love for the Internet’s least viral videos.

Wednesday, July 23

“Christie Watson’s kids love eating ice cream. But one recent morning, she saw an uneaten ice cream sandwich sitting on her patio table. When she looked closer, she couldn’t believe what she was seeing.” It turned out that the ice cream sandwich didn’t melt. I think the bigger concern is that she has a kid who abandoned an uneaten ice cream sandwich.

+ Every now and then it’s nice to see some courage returning to the reporting business. Lindsey Weber explains why the Kim Kardashian game Is legitimately good.

+ It turns out that Pong was never intended for public release.

+ Kottke: A couple in a kayak gets too close to a whale and then the whale raises them right out of the water. And not just for a moment either. (They seem way too calm for this to be real.)

+ The bad news is that you got fired from SNL after only one season. That’s also the good news.

Thursday, July 24

“The people who want to look like Angelina Jolie are having cheek augmentations, which makes me think that the release of Maleficent was significant.” Kevin Fallon takes you inside the weird world of celebrity clone surgery. Meanwhile, a kid in India just had 232 teeth removed (and he still looks nothing like Kim Kardashian…)

+ “We all just managed to stay alive longer than everybody else.” That’s Roy Englert on the strategy that enabled his relay team of nonagenarians to set a new track record.

+ How blatantly did Xiaomi rip off Apple designs. Here’s a hint: And there’s one more thing…

+ Tuaw: I searched for all 74 of the stickers in Apple’s new ad so you don’t have to.

+ A car dealership gave a disgruntled customer a $100 refund, in loose change. This story isn’t that interesting, but it does provide a good excuse to re-watch a great moment from Breaking Away.

Friday, July 25

“Skills: All the computer programs known to man, except for Microsoft Word. That is where graphic design goes to lay down and die.” In McSweeney’s, Marco Kaye presents the world’s first and only completely honest resume of a graphic designer. And if you missed it a few weeks back, definitely take a look at the fantastic client feedback on the creation of the Earth.

+ It turns out that the almond milk wars have only just begun. (I’d say these writers are milking it, but they’re all lactose intolerant.)

+ Video: The history of the high five.

+ And for those who have wondered where the rock guitar chord went, we found it. Have a first listen to the excellent new Tom Petty album. (This guy’s been responsible for more hits than Cheech and Chong combined.)

Monday, July 28

“In Connecticut pickles must bounce to officially be considered pickles.” Wired has put together a list of some of the most ridiculous laws in America.

+ Welcome to the front lines of the Times Square superhero crackdown.

+ McSweeney’s: The first annual conference on how to tell Samantha I really like her.

Tuesday, July 29

Victoria Bond spent one day modeling for a stock photo company. That was back in 2003. But she still continues to see herself popping up all over the place.

+ Aeon’s Simon Blackburn ruminates on Narcissus wonders whether you can have self-worth without self-love. (I’ve been having the opposite every day since I was thirteen.)

+ “We think of Dylan in a pantheon of great rock stars, at or near the top of a select list that includes the Stones, Springsteen, maybe U2 … But he behaves much differently.” Bill Wyman wonders: How did Bob Dylan get so weird? (This is just a theory. But it could have been the 60s.)

+ Grover Norquist explains why he’s going to Burning Man. Probably for the same reason everyone else goes. The art, the drugs, and the non-gender specific naked hugging of strangers that lasts a little too long but then is mysteriously forgotten a few hours later.

+ Obesity. Climate change. Rabid consumerism. Looking for something to blame? Try your giant fridge.

+ Paste Magazine: The 50 best documentaries streaming on Netflix.

Wednesday, July 30

Buzzfeed gets serious and asks: Why don’t British singers have British accents when they sing? And while we’re on the topic, why do American singers have British accents when they talk? (Now that’s a jolly good question.)

+ The headline you’ve been waiting for — Martha Stewart: Why I Love My Drone.

+ Here’s a video that will make you smile and make you think. Via BoingBoing: Watch a cocoa farmer try chocolate for the first time.

+ By the way, SPF doesn’t really matter.

Thursday, July 31

Robinson Meyer in The Atlantic: I drank a cup of hot coffee that was overnighted across the country.” Yes, it was a PR stunt (and a good one), but it also provides a look at the complicated, pervasive intersection of logistics and culture. (But sadly, they forgot the cream.)

+ This is the era of advertising as content, when it takes a lot to stand out as a brand. How much? Well, you can start with Bret Michaels singing a cover of Endless Love to a van (and meaning it).

+ In Seattle, one police officer wrote 80 percent of the tickets for consuming marijuana in public this year. (Some folks will do anything for a contact high.)

Friday, August 1

Facebook went down for a few minutes. So obviously, people called the Sheriff. (In fairness, it’s a lot less stressful than calling Comcast…)

+ This is how you umpire a little league game. (Do they check these guys for ‘roids?)

+ The real estate Rorschach test: Neverland is for sale.

+ Why won’t anyone give Tom Brady a high-five?

Monday, August 4

“For weeks I’d been wanting to write a straw man argument takedown, but I couldn’t find the right argument to oppose. Then my four year-old said something totally wrong about String Theory.” For the good of journalism and the future of media, I’ve decided to share this list (yes, of course it’s a list): An Internet Journalist Shares Eleven Breakthrough Moments.

+ Quartz: The next era of the public payphone is about to begin.

+ Congrats to Syracuse, this year’s number one party school.

+ “Nobody eats the green melon.’ So why even serve it? ‘It looks nice next to watermelon, cantaloupe and pineapple.'” The NYT takes a stand for Honeydew.

Tuesday, August 5

Ashrita Furman is the man with the most Guinness World Records of all time. His dad wanted him to be a lawyer, but after watching this fun documentary, he’ll come around: The Record Breaker.

+ Kottke: Sight and Sound polled 340 critics and filmmakers in search of the world’s best documentary films.

+ At long last, parents can choose baby names based on domain availability. Maybe this will help my kids understand why they both have more than 47 characters in their names.

+ The neuroscience of emoticons.

+ At what age will you be your most popular? Around 29.

Wednesday, August 6

In what could be the ultimate man bites dog story of all time, Donald Trump is suing to have his name removed from two buildings. Trump argues that two casinos he once owned in Atlantic City have “fallen into such disrepair that their continued association with the Trump name is hurting his brand.” Suggestion: Trump’s hair should hire a lawyer.

+ Horses communicate by using their ears. (Humans should try that.)

+ Forget reservations. Now hot restaurants want you to buy tickets.

+ A guy was caught tagging a courthouse while he was there facing multiple counts of vandalism. You’ve got to him points for stick-to-itiveness.

+ Buzzfeed: I went to a One Direction concert by myself. This is my story.

Thursday, August 7

My child “will, at some point, come across my Twitter profile; my professional and my personal writing archive; my RateMyProfessor page; my life as a burgeoning rock star. That will be a frightening day.” Josh Sternberg worries about the day his kid decides to Google him. I used to worry about this until I realized that our kids aren’t going to be interested enough in us to bother.

+ The New Republic makes the case that office snacks are bad for you. So just go back to your treadmill desk and starve.

+ If you can’t walk on water, at least you can bike.

+ Can one bad apple really spoil the bunch? Yes.

Monday, August 11

Want to live a more ordered life? Forget the self-help books. Just do what the chefs do. (This is like other forms of organizing advice, but with an added cube of butter.)

+ Looking for the teenager who is going to redefine the way women are viewed in baseball? Check out Mo’Ne Davis and her 70 mph fastball.

+ Why are names so easy to forget?

+ Here’s why a chicken can live without its head.

Tuesday, August 12

A lot of you let me know when you find a typo in NextDraft. Well, I can finally explain why it’s often impossible for me to catch them myself. It’s because I’m wildly intelligent and working on an extremely high level task. (I’m also distracted, have blurred vision, and just finished my second quart of French Roast.) From WIred: Why It’s So Hard to Catch Your Own Typos.

+ My son is only eight, but he already slams his door shut and cranks rock music at top volume. He recently asked me: “How do you play an electric guitar?” Kid, let’s start with this video: The history of the electric guitar in one song. (But as soon as you’re done watching it, you’re learning to code!)

+ And if you missed it yesterday, there were some great music-related links: In Vinyl Veritas.

+ “Capricorn Ted Cruz can’t get along with ‘typical Leo’ Barack Obama. Maybe the Zodiac can explain why DC is so screwed up.

Wednesday, August 13

Thanks to some recent court cases, the NCAA’s draconian financial grip on the lives of college athletes is showing signs of loosening. For a glimpse of what college sports might look like without all the rules and supervision, you might want to check out bass fishing. (That’s my first time typing that phrase…)

+ Have we reached peak sleep hack? Remove one foot from under your covers and let’s call this thing…

+ Human selfies are out. Statue selfies are in.

Thursday, August 14

The NYT’s Alex Williams provides a list of some of the modern day power couples: “Thanks to the limitless opportunities for self-promotion that exist on Twitter, Facebook and other sites, each member of a power couple can now serve as the other’s best publicist, pumping his or her partner’s latest television appearance, award or book signing, all in the spirit of love.”

+ The Scrabble King is dead.

+ Advertisers may soon target you based on what they see in the background of your Selfies.

+ Tom Hanks just released an iPad App that mimics a typewriter (sans the whiteout).

Friday, August 15

Walk at the same pace as those around you. Do not make an effort to use overly big words. And of course, make sure you’ve read your latest edition of NextDraft. These are just a few tips on how to look smart.

+ Last night in Carmel, a 1962 Ferrari 250 GTO sold for $38 million. And most experts were surprised it sold that cheap.

+ A startup CEO offers 1,284 slides in the most insane PowerPoint ever. (With a little editing, he could have gotten the same message across with like eleven hundred slides…)

+ Is Jake Johnson the best drunk actor of our time?

+ This season on Downton Abbey, the Crawleys are faced with the mystery of the plastic water bottle. (The bottle is pretty interesting, so they’ll probably kill it.)

Tuesday, August 19

We judge books by covers. And we definitely judge television shows by their opening title design. Here’s a look at this years Emmy nominations for main title design (and the winner).

+ What’s really the best way to brush your teeth? Hint: It probably doesn’t matter.

+ WSJ takes a look at the real reason we yawn.

+ A Little League coach delivered a nice speech to his team after they lost a big game.

+ Not having a good day at work? Consider Brendan Walsh. He just got done scuba diving in shit.

Wednesday, August 20

Enough with all the bad news. This will cheer you up. A four year-old reviews The French Laundry.

+ If you want to wake up in the city that never sleeps, you better head somewhere other than NYC. According to data collected by Jawbone, people who live there go to bed at a perfectly reasonable hour.

+ NPR: If You’re Born In The Sky, What’s Your Nationality?

+ Want a successful marriage? Have a big wedding.

+ Slate: What makes people look like their pets?

+ The NFL wants Super Bowl halftime performers to have to pay for the right to perform. (And given which acts they’re considering, that actually makes a lot of sense.)

Thursday, August 21

You know how you’re never really paying attention during conference calls? Well, here’s a little secret. Neither is anyone else.

+ Hollywood wants to make you cry. But that’s harder than it used to be.

+ NYT: Breakfast might be overrated. (Then at least it properly sets your expectations for the rest of the day.)

Friday, August 22

Attention ridiculous parents: The creator of the Your Baby Can Read program has “reached a deal to settle charges that he and his company made baseless pronouncements about the effectiveness of the program and that they misrepresented scientific studies to prove these bogus statements.” The program has pulled in more than $185 million over the years. Dr. Robert Titzer is required to pay $300,000 in penalties. Your baby can’t read, but they can certainly count well enough to figure out who came out ahead in that deal.

+ A photographic look at Meghalaya: The wettest place on Earth. (Don’t feel bad Seattle. You still have the Seahawks and Grunge.)

+ Deep fried tequila shots anyone?

Monday, August 25

Don’t bleep it out. There are promising signs that swearing at work can actually be beneficial. Quartz with the complete guide to swearing at work.

+ A British guy has been sentenced to three years in prison for movie piracy.

+ The NYT takes an interesting and interactive look at the decline of the backhand, and the one player who could save it.

+ 33 facts everyone knows that are actually total lies.

Tuesday, August 26

We started with TV. Let’s end with it. New research explains why should really shouldn’t feel guilty about watching all that television.

+ A gadget that stops plane seats from reclining caused a fight that resulted in a diverted flight.

+ Greatest guitar riff ever? A panel says it’s Whole Lotta Love. Special thanks to perhaps the greatest guitar player ever for going to eleven with this explanation: “There was this intent to have this riff and the movement of it, so it was menacing as well as quite sort of caressing.”

Wednesday, August 27

We started this edition by questioning the ability of the Internet to provide a panacea. Let’s end with a reminder of all that is great about this online world of ours with this remarkably enjoyable video: Is this the new iPhone 6?

+ Can you read these classic first lines of novels written in emojis?

+ ESPN felt the need to report on Michael Sam’s showering habits. One of his teammates summed up the response: “Dear ESPN, Everyone but you is over it.”

+ Zara decides to pull their recently released shirt that looks like a concentration camp uniform. (Next, they should design themselves a dunce cap.)

+ The GoPro dog harness has arrived.

+ Coming soon to reality TV: Sex Box: A show where people have sex in a box on TV, and then discuss it with an expert panel.

Thursday, August 28

The web nearly exploded when we learned that Sanrio execs suggested that Hello Kitty is not a cat: “She’s a cartoon character. She is a little girl. She is a friend. But she is not a cat.” Yeah, and next you’re gonna tell me that Snoop is not really a Dogg. Sanrio has attempted to clarify. The Wire has collected the latest updates.

+ Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s numbers suggest he’s got a better than decent shot at re-election. Let that be a lesson to you.

+ Laird Hamilton shoots the pier at Malibu Lagoon and then saves a dude who had lost his board in rough surf. Of course he did. He’s Laird Friggin Hamilton.

+ Brad and Angelina are married.

+ Fx just ordered a show from Zach Galifianakis and Louis C.K. It’s about a clown. Enough said.

Friday, August 29

“I thought he was pretty damn nice, because I thought I was gonna get fired.” The Daily Beast on Paul Shaffer’s life with Letterman.

+ Seventy-five percent of Ikea’s catalog is computer generated imagery (which means it probably lasts a lot longer than the real thing).

+ Bad news for tennis fans: Grunting may actually help players play better.

+ Take a look at the trailer for Jon Stewart’s directorial debut. Spolier alert: It’s not a comedy. Like, really not.

+ MSN Messenger is shutting down. Why’d I even bother reserving usernames for my grandkids…

Tuesday, September 2

“Sheepishly, I inform him that it’s the colloquial term for the patch of skin between the genitals and the anus, properly known as the perineum. People call it the taint, I say, because it taint one part and it taint the other, either.” NY Mag’s Kevin Roose takes a stroll through Burning Man with Grover Norquist.

+ InFocus shares a Burning Man photo collection.

+ I assume you peel your apples using an electric screwdriver.

+ We may soon need an ice bucket challenge to collect money for victims of the ice bucket challenge.

Wednesday, September 3

The first rule of Mile High Fight Club is: You do not talk about Mile High Fight Club. The second rule is you don’t recline. The LA Times on the cramped seats and angry passengers that have led to several diverted flights.

+ Introducing the NFL linebacker who is 14 inches tall and 235 pounds. Occasionally, Madden NFL has a small glitch.

+ Syndicated from Kottke: It turns out that this close-up video of slow motion skateboard tricks is all I’ve ever wanted out of life.

+ Pop Quiz: As of last March, you can bring a gun into public college campuses in Idaho. On Tuesday, a professor accidentally shot himself during class.

Thursday, September 4

In honor of her 33rd birthday, we’ll return to McSweeney’s for: “This is the Instagram comment that will finally ignite my relationship with Beyoncé.”

+ The Malaysia Airlines bucket list ad campaign probably wasn’t such a great idea.

+ Your dog has lost his appetite? It could be because he has eaten 44 socks.

+ Lego is the world’s number one toymaker.

+ The Bialy — the Bagel’s long-neglected cousin — tries for a comeback. Believe it or not, there’s an excellent book on this topic: The Bialy Eaters. (I don’t know much, but I know my carbs.)

Friday, September 5

Jeanetic Engineering: After years of consistent growth, sales of jeans dropped by about 6% last year. What happened? Yoga pants happened.

+ Fabiano Caruana could be having the best week of chess in history.

+ Many of the best players in tennis have one thing in common. The guys who string their rackets.

+ Hate when your kids eat cotton candy? You can blame a dentist.

+ Welcome to the world of river surfing.

+ NPR: Deal with it, headbangers. Babymetal is here.

Monday, September 8

We started with the power of negative and disturbing videos. Let’s end with the power of an inspiring one. Here’s a time-lapse of an Amish barn raising in Ohio.

+ The 100 most iconic shots in movie history.

+ Kids complaining about getting up early to take the bus to school? Show them 25 of the most dangerous and unusual journeys to school in the world.

+ Five things we learned from The Knick’s medical advisor.

Tuesday, September 9

“I wonder: What is the exact nature of the work that is turning her into a sleep-deprived teen zombie so many mornings? I decide to do my daughter’s homework for one typical week.” To celebrate the return of school, we return to Karl Taro Greenfeld’s: My Daughter’s Homework Is Killing Me. (My third grade son finished an entire week’s worth of homework last night … so we have the rest of the week to talk about the iWatch.)

+ Some folks reported that they didn’t receive yesterday’s NextDraft. Just in case, here it is.

+ Skin, glass, and plastic. Consider those ingredients before ordering your next beer.

+ 1,750 fans are injured by foul balls each year.

+ Finally, the battle to be the world’s largest ball of twine.

Wednesday, September 10

“As my lips slowly moved toward the mouth of the turtle in my lap, I admit to momentarily wondering how my life’s choices had brought me to this point.” David A. Steen: Why I gave mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a turtle. (It was worth it just for that lede.)

+ The Economist charts the amazing rise of grade inflation in the Ivy League.

+ “While Hollywood trumpeted Iron Eyes Cody as a ‘true Native American’ and profited from his ubiquitous image, the man himself harbored an unspoken secret: he was 100% Italian.”

+ And we have a new record for most pinky pull ups.

Thursday, September 11

Which are the best and worst airlines? For that answer, you can just ask Twitter. (Few people know that Twitter was originally created to give people a platform to complain about United.)

+ Richard Kiel has died at the age of 74. You probably know him better as Jaws, the Bond villain with the teeth of steel.

+ Lionel Messi’s hometown bans parents from naming their children Messi. (Just name a few kids Ronaldo — they’ll lift the ban…)

+ 93 people. 30 billionaires. 13 millennials. Here’s look at the twentieth anniversary of Vanity Fair’s New Establishment (which, until it includes me, will remain in the bottom of the news section).

Monday, September 15

A “vintage,” faux-bloodstained Kent State sweatshirt. Maybe not such a great idea. But it’s certainly not the first time Urban Outfitters has dressed to offend.

+ Actress Ann Dowd is having her well-deserved moment. And maybe the coolest thing about her is that she partly based her Leftovers character on Patriots coach Bill Belichick.

+ NPR: Things you can do in your sleep.

+ 36 things you might not know about cats.

Tuesday, September 16

No, no, no. You’re doing it wrong. What are you doing wrong? According to the Internet, just about everything.

+ Marriott is now leaving out an envelope so you can include a tip for the housekeeping staff.

+ What can cause erosion and environmental damage, medical emergencies, and angry neighbors? That’s easy. Too many Selfies.

+ Let’s conclude with a slightly harder question: Why isn’t cat food mouse-flavored?

Wednesday, September 17

The endless iPhone reviews are hitting the Internet this week. So Chris Plante on The Verge decided to create romantic poetry constructed exclusively from iPhone 6 reviews. It’s like normal poetry, but dirtier.

+ Heating pads might feel good, but most physical therapists say they don’t do much when it comes to the healing process. (Tell that to my cat.)

+ Cary Elwes talks about his upcoming book about the making of The Princess Bride. (Anybody want a peanut?)

Thursday, September 18

It “does effectively represent the modern American Dream: flipping an incredibly stupid idea into a huge amount of money and then running swiftly away.” From Grantland: Five Years in, What Does Shark Tank Mean for America? (I really hoped Sharknado would’ve taken care of this show by now…)

+ So you’re performing in the most important flute competition of your life and a butterfly lands on your face. But the show must go on. Amazing.

+ Vox: Watch a mash-up of 23 amateur musicians, combined into one kick-ass band.

+ Miley Cyrus is in trouble for twerking with a Mexican flag. Dios Mio.

Friday, September 19

In the latest salvo in the new cold war, a Russian brewer has acquired Pabst Blue Ribbon. Pabst also owns Old Milwaukee, Schlitz and Colt 45. They might want to acquire Pepto Bismol next.

+ The Suitsy is a one piece suit.

+ It’s Talk Like a Pirrrrate Day. So it’s fair to ask why we think pirates talk like that.

+ And we’ve reached peak delivery service as Air Food One promises to deliver airline food right to your front door.

Monday, September 22

“This is a column about Katie Ledecky. It has a simple thesis. The thesis is that Katie Ledecky kicks ass.” Trust me, so does this column by Grantland’s Brian Phillips.

+ A TV news reporter covered the story of the Alaska Cannabis Club before announcing (with a few expletives) to the audience that she was the club’s owner and would be quitting. Dropping the pipe is the new dropping the mic.

+ At long last, science explains why I can’t remember anything. It’s because I’m a dude.

Tuesday, September 23

The good news: Some emergency rooms are now taking appointments so you can spend part of your long wait time in the comfort of your own home. The bad news: It’s a friggin’ emergency.

+ GoPro is dominating the market it created. The company is currently worth more than $9 billion. Can Polaroid mount a challenge?

+ From Iggy and JLo to Kim and Nicki, the backside is frontpage news. The Atlantic’s Noah Berlasky goes deep on the subject: “Minaj’s celebration of her butt is also a celebration of, and lust for, other women’s butts.”

+ And just in time for Rosh Hashanah: 18 apple varieties with badass names.

Wednesday, September 24

“It all starts with a man named Rabbi Dov Behr Abramson, who migrated from his native Russia in 1888. How’d he do that? By buying the passport of a dead man, last name Manischewitz.” Modern Farmer’s Meaghan Agnew rings in the Jewish new year with the great story of a not-so-great wine. “The story of Manischewitz is as intriguing as the wine isn’t…”

+ The coolest thing about Colon is that its named after a punctuation mark. The second coolest thing about Colon is that it’s the Magic Capital of the World.

+ Syndicated from Kottke: I think this guy is the T-1000 robot from Terminator 2, but for chopping onions instead of assassinating future resistance fighters. Evidence…

+ And since Fall is officially in the air, here’s an excellent set of in-season photos from InFocus. And of course, it’s time for our annual reading of McSweeney’s expletive-riddled: It’s Decorative Gourd Season MFer.

Friday, September 26

Could Coke reverse a decade of sagging sales just by slapping a few first names on the side of bottles? Well, Chris, Jess, and Alex, I’m glad you asked.

+ Forty facts about SNL ahead of their fortieth season.

+ The latest rumors have Rachel McAdams starring opposite Colin Farrell and Vince Vaughn in season 2 of True Detective. (By now, you’ve probably figured out that the casting of season 2 of True Detective is season 2 of True Detective.)

+ Are you a heavy drinker? Check the chart.

Monday, September 29

It’s the end of an era. While it’s already been essentially dead for years, Yahoo will make it official as they shut down the onetime hub of everything Internet. Say goodbye to the Yahoo Directory.

+ There is a compound in hops that could make you smarter. So have a beer. And then have 5,635 more each day and we’ll see if it works.

+ From the always-entertaining Dave Pell: Band Names for Aging Rockers.

+ Cats don’t need to do anything to get covered on the Internet. Dogs, on the other hand, have to surf.

+ Take a closer look at these 50 clever logos.

Tuesday, September 30

Do you read the fine print when accepting online access agreements? Probably not. And neither did the Londoners who unwittingly agreed to hand over their first born child for Internet access. (Or maybe they read the agreement and thought it seemed like a reasonable deal.)

+ How Bill Murray went missing during Letterman’s first episode. (He had a good excuse.)

+ Finally, a wearable technology that shocks you when you’re bad. (Oh who are they kidding? Bill Murray invented that too.)

+ Does your car really need a tune-up?

Wednesday, October 1

“What a nervous day it must have been in the industry when Bounty or Brawny or whoever decided to place towel perforations more closely together … Machines were retooled, perforation distances reset, and smaller sized paper towels made their way onto the shelves of Stop & Shop and ShopRite and Walmart. Consumers, waking up from a wasteful slumber, realized how useful and smart and feel-goody smaller sized paper towels were.” I highly suggest you soak up the knowledge shared in Craig Mod’s piece: There is much to learn from the paper towel.

+ If you spend twenty-three grand on a plane ticket, this is what your flight will look like.

+ Now vending machines sell local, farm fresh foods. (We’re ruining the world.)

Thursday, October 2

“I respect Starbucks for its business sense, customer service and amenities including clean bathrooms and WiFi. But unless I am checking a new store off my list, I would not go there for the coffee.” And this guy (who calls himself Winter) should know. He’s been to 11,733 Starbucks so far.

+ The honey lobby wants the feds to define honey. While we’re on the topic, why do honeybees die when they sting?

+ Mayor Bill de Blasio has never been to the High Line. New York Mayor Bill de Blassio.

+ Elon Musk sent Tesla’s stock soaring with a cryptic Tweet that read: “About time to unveil the D and something else.” The last time I said something like that I ended up spending the night in jail.

Friday, October 3

“Like God, Oprah is everywhere: in the glasses of Chardonnay I drank, in the Soul Library book set and hoodie I bought, in the face of every arena attendant who stood around with a smile and gave me unsolicited hugs.” From NY Mag: I survived a weekend with the Cult of Oprah.

+ Syndicated from Kottke: “The sound made by the Krakatoa volcanic eruption in 1883 was so loud it ruptured eardrums of people 40 miles away, travelled around the world four times, and was clearly heard 3,000 miles away.” (My son made the same sound when I tried to take away the iPad this morning.)

+ BBC: What’s it like being a cat? (If you care enough to click through, then you have no idea.)

+ Cannonball, humpback whale style.

Monday, October 6

“There is, I think, a broader moral here. In every area of life, we underrate the merits of desperation, and persistently overrate the advantages of free choice. We insist that we ought to all be equal, free to make the choices we want and find the partners we need.
In fact, people who have this kind of freedom rarely use it well.” Adam Gopnik explains why short men make better husbands.

+ NYT: The Brown sisters have taken forty portraits in forty years.

+ The Coast Guard had to rescue a man who was running across the ocean in a bubble. (Related: Facebook’s $19 billion acquisition of Whatsapp is now official.)

+ HP is splitting into two companies. One called HP, Inc and one called Hewlett-Packard Enterprise. Seriously. Both companies will retain the initials HP. And some consulting company probably got millions for that decision.

+ A new statue has immortalized Edgar Allan Poe in Boston. The only problem is that Poe hated Boston. So the according to the artist, “he faces away from the Frog Pond to represent his disdain for Bostonians.” (Maybe they should have just put the statue in Yankee Stadium.)

Tuesday, October 7

“He began to draw in notebooks at the hospital, and continued to paint several paintings a day at home.” Pacific Standard on the strange case of an accountant who began to furiously paint after a suffering a brain hemorrhage. (I think I’d still opt for art school.)

+ MoJo: Is your dentist ripping you off? Maybe. But do you really want to pick a fight with your dentist?

+ Why are fast food drive-thru lanes getting slower? (It’s gotta be because the people at both ends of the transaction are texting on their phones.)

Wednesday, October 8

Deputies along with a drug-sniffing dog raided Dwayne Perry’s garden in Georgia expecting to find marijuana. Instead, they found okra. (If they had found kale, he should have been arrested.)

+ Where is Kim Jong Un? He hasn’t been seen in public for more than a month.

+ Slate: How normal is your drinking? (Related: “And that, as much as anything else, led to my drinking problem.”)

+ A comedy club in Spain charges by the laugh.

+ And thanks to Hunter Pence, SF Giants fans got some serious religion last night.

Thursday, October 9

Don’t you want to know more about a person that drinks anywhere from 300-500 cups of coffee each morning? This is Amanda Juris, coffee quality specialist at Starbucks. What does she do after lunch? She has another cup of coffee.

+ PETA once asked the Pet Shop Boys to change their name to the Rescue Shelter Boys. That is just one important detail contained in the Mental Floss guide to 100 amazing facts everyone should know.

+ A Houston radio station has adopted a new format. They play Beyonce. Just Beyonce. Twenty-four hours a day. (The plan’s obvious flaw: There aren’t 25 hours in a day.)

+ Listen to Howard Stern’s interview of Bill Murray.

+ GQ: The 111 Reasons Why Nicolas Cage Is a National Treasure.

Friday, October 10

“Clown International has lost almost 90 percent of its members from its peak in the 1980s.” The Atlantic on how clowns became terrifying.

+ WaPo on Robert Downey’s remarkable comeback. And if his movie career doesn’t amaze you, his singing at Sting’s birthday party will.

+ What happens to baggage that’s never claimed? For the answer, you’ll need to go to Scottsboro, Alabama.

Wednesday, October 15

“What a nervous day it must have been in the industry when Bounty or Brawny or whoever decided to place towel perforations more closely together … Machines were retooled, perforation distances reset, and smaller sized paper towels made their way onto the shelves of Stop & Shop and ShopRite and Walmart. Consumers, waking up from a wasteful slumber, realized how useful and smart and feel-goody smaller sized paper towels were.” I highly suggest you soak up the knowledge shared in Craig Mod’s piece: There is much to learn from the paper towel.

+ If you spend twenty-three grand on a plane ticket, this is what your flight will look like.

+ Now vending machines sell local, farm fresh foods. (We’re ruining the world.)

Monday, October 20

I’m already a vegetarian, but from now on, I’m only eating humanely raised lettuce. As I’ve always suspected, plants can tell when they’re being eaten. (Thankfully, most of them have a crunch that’s loud enough to drown out the screams.)

+ Austin Kleon: 33 thoughts on reading (and at least one about TV).

+ “As a biracial child, I wasn’t sure if higher education would even be an option for me. And, when I say biracial, I mean that my father went to Harvard and my mother attended Oberlin.” Paul Rudnick’s college application essay.

+ At long last, drive-thru open coffin viewing.

Tuesday, October 21

Stairway to Heaven is arguably the most famous rock song in history. Was it stolen?

+ Some sandwich shops are forcing their sandwich makers to sign noncompete agreements.

+ Wanna play marbles? It could cost you as much as forty grand.

Wednesday, October 22

“What a nervous day it must have been in the industry when Bounty or Brawny or whoever decided to place towel perforations more closely together … Machines were retooled, perforation distances reset, and smaller sized paper towels made their way onto the shelves of Stop & Shop and ShopRite and Walmart. Consumers, waking up from a wasteful slumber, realized how useful and smart and feel-goody smaller sized paper towels were.” I highly suggest you soak up the knowledge shared in Craig Mod’s piece: There is much to learn from the paper towel.

+ If you spend twenty-three grand on a plane ticket, this is what your flight will look like.

+ Now vending machines sell local, farm fresh foods. (We’re ruining the world.)

Thursday, October 23

“It was a time-shifting experience. Instant availability of huge digital archives created crippling decision anxiety. And the constant pressure to work through the queue was immense.” Rex Sorgatz interviews the Feral Netflix Child. (Reading this made me thankful that my kids don’t have the attention span for Netflix.)

+ Speaking of Netflix, their upcoming original series called Bloodline looks good. Of course, I’m biased since the show comes from the Damages creators who named a key, bad character after me.

+ “How old were you when you lost your virginity? Two?” Bradley Pitz visits Between Two Ferns.

Friday, October 24

“The taste is very rich. It’s definitely a lot tastier … You can just tell this is a lot more pure.” From NPR: how foodies were duped into thinking McDonald’s was high-end food.

+ TLC has canceled Here Comes Honey Boo Boo because, as they explained, “Supporting the health and welfare of these remarkable children is our only priority.” That’s always been the feeling I got from reality TV.

+ Which state has the worst drivers?

+ Apparently some researcher came up with the notion that smart people listen to Radiohead and dumb people listen to Beyonce. Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh no.

Monday, October 27

According to a recent study, people prefer electric shocks to tedium. Remember that next time your kids complain that they’re bored.

+ On SNL, Jim Carrey lampooned Matthew McConaughey’s Lincoln ads.

+ Some good shots from the 2014 NatGeo photo contest.

+ It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Madison Bumgarner World. “In Game 1 of this year’s World Series, Bumgarner went seven innings, allowing just one run on three hits … and it was the worst of his four career World Series starts.”

Tuesday, October 28

The French minister for culture is under fire after she explained that, over the past two years, she’s had no time to read novels. I don’t even have time to read this article (or to come up with a better line than that).

+ The Secret Service isn’t the only security detail with some explaining to do. Somehow, a jogger on an afternoon run managed to collide with the UK Prime Minister. From the jogger: “I kind of wish I had been protesting something or I had had something to say.”

+ Is it possible to die from two much caffeine? Yes, if you drank about 140 cups in one day.

Wednesday, October 29

What’s worse: Demanding that drinks be served with giant, artisanal ice cubes, or criticizing the practice because of its negative environmental impact? I must be a total blockhead, because I have no idea.

+ It’s National Cat Day and Uber is celebrating by bringing kittens right to your door. Watch out for Purrge-pricing.

+ Pop stars really do have a shorter life-expectancy than the rest of us.

+ NextDoor is offering up an app to help keep track of who’s giving out candy in your neighborhood. (We’ve got serious problems if our kids can’t put the phone down long enough to go outside and get free bags of candy.)

Thursday, October 30

How are we doing in our national fight against obesity? Well, let’s put it this way. They’re now making bigger crash test dummies.

+ How do you know if a person is liberal or conservative. Just analyze their reaction to disgusting images.

+ Seriously people, stop taking selfies with bears. (From a Darwinist perspective, go ahead and take a few more.)

+ Google is being forced to pay a woman more than two grand in damages after her cleavage showed up on Street View. (Luckily, Apple Maps only got her shoulder.)

Friday, October 31

Starting next year, Starbucks will deliver your coffee right to your desk. (CEO Howard Schultz just took another page out of the crack dealers’ guide to scaling your business.)

+ People always say that scratching an itch makes it worse. And they’re right.

+ “Apart from a car accident at the age of eighteen, when he overturned his car while driving under the influence of alcohol … Osment’s journey through adolescence into adulthood has been free of major indiscretion.” How Haley Joel Osment Survived Being a Child Star. (Now we’ll see if he can survive an article on how he survived as a child star.)

+ PSA: Hello Kitty Con is coming.

Monday, November 3

When have we reached peak artisanal grain? Well, if you’re eating acorns, you’re probably getting pretty close.

+ According to a study, milk may not be very good for your bones. That’s just one more reason why I only drink acorn juice.

+ Romeo and Juliet had no balcony.

+ Taylor Swift has removed her music from Spotify. At least Spotify can look forward to her writing a break-up song about them.

Tuesday, November 4

According to the AP, “shy bladder sufferers want DirecTV to stop airing a television ad where a ‘painfully awkward’ actor Rob Lowe says that he can’t urinate in public.” I’m guessing that filing this complaint won’t make it any easier to go…

+ The Daily News with the headline of the day: “Iggy Azalea suffers wardrobe malfunction when pants split during Bar Mitzvah show.” (Now a lot of people probably feel bad for just getting the kid a gift card…)

+ “Mum thinks I’m an idiot. Dad’s not too proud either.” Those seem like reasonable parental reactions to a son who decided to pretend to surf on a whale carcass surrounded by sharks.

+ Ten maps that explain the midterm elections.

Wednesday, November 5

If you drop a bowling ball and a feather at the same time, which will land first? You know the answer, but it’s pretty cool to watch the experiment.

+ The best whisky in the world is from … Japan.

+ The non-white emoji are finally coming. (Can we please not name the Native American ones the Redskins…)

Thursday, November 6

It’s not just Movember. It’s the hipsters, the neckbeards, and that work from home look you’ve been sporting. Take a look in the mirror and you’ll understand how your beard is killing the shaving industry.

+ Four days in a Hello Kitty convention tattoo parlor.

+ Dirty Deeds, Done Dirt Cheap? In New Zealand, AC/DC drummer Phil Rudd has been charged with hiring a hit-man. From the band’s website: “Phil’s absence will not affect the release of our new album Rock or Bust and upcoming tour next year.” Phew…

+ A new reality show “promises to show filmmaker Paul Rosolie being swallowed alive by a giant snake, after covering himself in pig’s blood while wearing a custom-built suit.” (Been there, done that.)

Friday, November 7

“To stay relevant and increase demand for potatoes, it will be critical to understand Millennials and how potatoes fit into their lives.” Alexis C. Madrigal with a thinkpiece on Millennials and potatoes. Between researchers, their peers, their devices, and themselves, the Millennials are by far the most-observed generation ever.

+ Syndicated from Kottke: When you look really closely at record grooves, like at 1000x magnification, you can see the waveforms of the music itself.

+ Any watcher of late-night TV infomercials knew the Alpaca craze was not going to end well.

Monday, November 10

According to Wired, MIT is developing crazy materials that could make for self-assembling Ikea furniture. That seems realistic. Given some time, most of it seems to disassemble itself.

+ Modern Farmer: 911 calls from inside corn mazes. Officially a thing.

+ 52 of the the world’s most contagious misconceptions.

Tuesday, November 11

Food giant Unilever is suing the makers of Just Mayo, because according to the official definition, their product isn’t actually mayo at all (and they’ve got the clear ventricles to prove it.)

+ According to some essays just released by The Mormon Church, Joseph Smith had as many as 40 wives. (I bet his jeweler could tell some stories…)

+ The man who sees art in Cheetos.

+ “Sorry I murdered everyone at your party, but as an introvert, I prefer one-on-one interactions to group gatherings.”

Wednesday, November 12

All right, get ready. We’re going on the top ten chase scenes of all time.

+ Ten hours of Princess Leia walking in NYC.

+ A man was freed after spending three days stuck inside a department store wall. And in other shopping news, Radio Shack has backtracked on its plans to stay open all day on Thanksgiving after worker outcry (which removed the need for customer outcry).

+ And, the…ahem… bottom of the news.

Thursday, November 13

They were all set for their biggest media moment. They were going to interview the President of the United States. But first, they needed to find just the right ferns. GQ‘s Amy Wallace on the rise of Funny or Die and the making of the most powerful Internet mogul of the year … Will Ferrell.

+ Looking for a nice family home? The one where the Corleones lived on Staten Island is up for sale. (I recommend negotiating with Fredo.) Not in the market for a house? Well, you can at least score a Marlon Brando jacket.

+ The world’s tallest man and the world’s shortest man met.

+ A shopper tried to steal a chainsaw by slipping it into his pants. In other words, Florida.

+ And finally, a responsive yoga mat with built-in sensor technology designed to improve your yoga practice. (We’ve lost our minds…)

Friday, November 14

“I scanned and sent some old Polaroids that I had of your mother in compromising positions. They were taken several years before you entered our life and forever changed it with your gentle smile and warm personality. Needless to say, you took the bait. Hook line and sinker! I love you.” From Jake Bender in McSweeney’s: I Just Catfished You, Son. Instant Classic.

+ Lifehacker: Taking notes may actually make you much more forgetful

+ A five year-old kid just became the youngest person to pass the test to become a Microsoft Certified Professional. (When he’s six, his parents are gonna have him try to figure out how to use the Microsoft Phone.)

+ Hope for humanity: When it comes to breaking the Internet, the comet beat the Kardashian. (Though it appears that she has a much longer-lasting battery pack.)

Monday, November 17

NYC authorities recently announced a change that will mean an end to arresting people for possessing small amounts of marijuana. Coincidentally, Woody Harrelson was the host of SNL.

+ We’re running out of chocolate.

+ “A two-time Krispy Kreme Challenge winner has managed to run two miles to Krispy Kreme, stop and eat 12 doughnuts, then run two more miles in only an hour.” Add in a blender and you’ve got yourself the perfect energy and performance drink.

+ “What is being referred to as the sheep incident has shaken up Fresno State after a student heard noises coming from a barn … The unidentified student responsible for the deed told police he had drank alcohol and was stressed out about a midterm.” Uh, that must have been a hell of a test.

Tuesday, November 18

Conceptual artist Sven Sachsalber found a needle in a haystack. And I don’t mean that metaphorically.

+ Syndicated from Kottke: In 2012, Joe Ayoob broke the world record for the longest distance paper airplane flight with a plane designed by John Collins. In this video, Collins demonstrates how to fold that plane, the Suzanne.

+ According the Oxford Dictionary, Vape is the word of the year.

+ Scientists plan to resurrect the woolly mammoth. What could go wrong?

Wednesday, November 19

Chris Hemsworth has been named this year’s sexiest man, giving Slate the opportunity to serve up this headline: How the Sexiest Man Alive’s Sausage Gets Made.

+ It turns out that selling like hotcakes isn’t such a great thing.

+ Twitter now lets you search for any tweet in history. In other words, you’re gonna have some serious explaining to do.

Thursday, November 20

“I was a suburban housewife. We had our cigarettes and our cocktails and we were happy.” Take a look at Grandmas smoking weed for the first time. They’ve got some catching up to do…

+ According to a recent study, one’s occupation helps determine brainpower into old age. (I guess I better start actually reading the articles I link to.)

+ FastCo: One man’s epic quest to sanitize your filthy, germ-riddled coffee cup lid. I just don’t get why anyone would want to suck coffee through a plastic hole in the first place.

+ I feel a little less like the old guy on the Internet now that I know The Wirecutter is reviewing minivans.

+ Firefox signed a deal to make Yahoo its default search engine. I guess Alta Vista was unavailable.

Friday, November 21

“If they had stopped writing all this stuff about us, there would be no controversy left in the band and we probably would have died out years ago. They don’t know that they’re still responsible for us being around today.” This is how you remind me that your hate has saved Nickelback

+ The Secret Life of String Cheese.

+ Venice is about to ban rolling suitcases with noisy wheels.

+ “During that period, your body takes a bit of a pounding. Fresh food is very important.” Bloomberg: Rock stars ditch Jack Daniels for quinoa. Either way, I’d puke.

Monday, November 24

“There is no radio station WGYN in Chicago; the interview was fictitious, and should not have been included in the column.” The NYT serves up one of the best corrections ever.

Americans drink more craft beer than Budweiser. You’ll still be irritated by fellow bar patrons, but for different reasons.

+ Pot is legal in some states. So Black Friday is being replaced by Green Friday. That makes no sense. It should be Green Wednesday so you can get high before your relatives show up for Thanksgiving.

+ Thanksgiving turkeys are bigger than they used to be. A lot bigger.

+ And just in time for the holidays, families who hate each other in Western art history.

Tuesday, November 25

One of the lines in my kids’ favorite Tom Petty song, American Dream Plan B, includes the aside: “I can’t dance for shit.” This morning, in my 6 year-old daughter’s energetic rendition, every line in the song ended with that word. For those scoring at home, that adds up to about 40 expletives before 7am. From Slate: What to do when your kid starts swearing. (My advice: Just sing along.)

+ Pilgrims did not wear buckled hats. That’s just one of the little known facts about Thanksgiving.

+ If you want to truly understand the history of Thanksgiving, you have to understand celery.

+ Will people stand in line for hours in their underwear just to get some free stuff? (Spoiler Alert: Of friggin course.)

Wednesday, November 26

They toss them. They slide them. They bowl them. From Modern Farmer, here are seven of the strangest things done to turkeys around Thanksgiving. After years clicking through the Internet, I’m pretty confident these are nowhere near the weirdest things done to poultry.

+ Understand your turkey with the help of these charts.

+ Why do Turkey the country and turkey the bird have the same name? And why do the Cowboys and the Lions always play on Thanksgiving?

+ And if you’re up for a TV binge this weekend, here are a couple of suggestions. Olive Kitteridge is an HBO miniseries that features incredible performances from Frances McDormand and Richard Jenkins. And Amazon’s Transparent could be the perfect viewing choice for a Thanksgiving weekend. Have a great one. Back on Monday.

Monday, December 1

“When I handed them back, of course they smelled bad. I wore them every single day for six months. Literally.” From The Guardian: The people who are paid to break in your designer jeans.

+ “I haven’t eaten with my parents, at least without earplugs, in over a decade.” If you are sensitive to certain sounds — like other people eating — you might have newly identified condition called Misophonia.

+ The Girl Scouts get with the program. You can now buy cookies online.

+ You ate a lot over the weekend. And chances are, you wasted a lot too. For example, “Americans throw away 31 percent of all tomatoes they buy.” The Atlantic on the leftovers we toss.

+ According to some passengers, at least one airport security line reached a mile in length over the holiday weekend.

Tuesday, December 2

Animated GIFs are everywhere. Emoji is in its prime. So maybe this is the perfect time to pay homage to the visual art form that started it all. Megan Garber with a eulogy to Clip Art, in Clip Art.

+ WSJ: How to train your voice to be more charismatic.

+ I just bought a turntable, so I suppose I’m in no position to make fun of someone who decides to buy a video store.

+ Our human ancestors started consuming alcohol about 10 million years ago. And our behavior while drunk has barely changed since then.

Wednesday, December 3

“Some of the individuals involved could try to retaliate against witnesses. They have ties to types who could do away with you if they wanted to.” Grantland’s David Hill takes you inside the secret world of competitive bass fishing cheaters.

+ The AK-47 is undergoing a rebranding that includes a friendlier logo and a new tagline: The weapon of peace. Talk about taking the oxy out of oxymoron.

+ Syndicated from Kottke: This dive, by Leeds United midfielder Adryan in match against Derby County, might be the worst dive of all time.

+ One journalist has come up with a unique way to deal with the young boys who send her rape threats via Facebook. She tells their mothers.

Thursday, December 4

Hate the idea of watching a live TV version of Peter Pan? That’s just what NBC is counting on. NPR on social media, musicals, and the modern art of hate watching.

+ Thanks to the now infamous hack, Sony’s private, and often embarrassing, data is all over the Internet. It probably didn’t help that they kept a ton of passwords in a file called Password.

+ A pregame pep talk from a Target employee.

+ Quartz is collecting contenders for the 2014 Internet chart of year.

Friday, December 5

A anonymous bidder just scored the Nobel Prize medal awarded to molecular biologist James Watson for $4.76 million. I’m pretty sure I can use this to motivate my kids to finish their science homework.

+ Left handed people earn 10 percent less than righties.

+ According to Google, 56% of digital ads served are never seen. (Only 44% to go!)

+ A California car chase is hardly news. Unless it ends with a skateboard.

Monday, December 8

This is the most accurate headline I’ve seen in the tech media in a long time: Turns Out the Dot-Com Bust’s Worst Flops Were Actually Fantastic Ideas. Awesome, so can I have my investment money back?

+ NPR Music picks its 50 favorite albums of the year. In related news, it turns out rock is not dead. Here’s the single most important music performance of 2014. One bass, one set of drums. And the the return of rock that has James Hetfield, Dave Grohl, and Jimmy Page serving up rave reviews. Royal Blood plays Glastonbury. (It’s great, but mostly I didn’t want you to think I’m so old that I get all my music from NPR.)

+ Watching this pasta machine is a perfectly reasonable way to spend the next ten minutes or so.

Tuesday, December 9

A Korean Airlines exec has stepped down from some of her duties after she “ordered a flight to be turned around to the gate and a flight attendant off the plane because she was served nuts in a bag instead of on a plate.” I wonder if this is why they call crazy people nuts.

+ Ranking the most annoying types of airline passengers.

+ New York Rangers defenseman Kevin Klein left a recent game early to have his ear reattached. Then he came back and scored a game-winning goal in overtime. In hockey, we can that a Van Goal.

+ Here’s a little visit from the Ghost of Christmas Future. It was all laughs and romance as a couple of Mobile Mistletoe drones flew around a TGI Fridays. Until one them clipped a chunk off of a reporter’s nose.

+ “If you’ve ever wondered what happens when a Harvard Business School professor thinks a family-run Chinese restaurant screwed him out of $4, you’re about to find out.”

Wednesday, December 10

“Hearing is a two-step process. First, there is the auditory perception itself: the physics of sound waves making their way through your ear and into the auditory cortex of your brain. And then there is the meaning-making: the part where your brain takes the noise and imbues it with significance.” And somewhere between the two, you got the lyrics to your favorite song completely wrong. Maria Konnikova: Excuse me while I kiss this guy…

+ Hallmark apologizes for selling Hanukkah paper covered In swastikas. And Scott Walker will likely apologize for confusing Mazel Tov with Molotov. Oy Caramba.

+ The oral (etc) history of Boogie Nights.

+ The taste of your coffee can be affected by the color of your mug. (That’s just one of the reasons I drink mine straight from the pot.)

Thursday, December 11

The Internet has undeniably turned this era into the age of cats. So how the hell did a magazine like Cat Fancy disappear from shelves? From NY Mag: Who Killed Cat Fancy?

+ InFocus’ final installment of the year in photos.

+ Here’s the latest salvo fired in the quest to turn everything into part of the sharing economy. This startup wants to pay you to fly with strangers’ stuff in your luggage. What could be worse than that? How about a social alarm clock that lets you wake up strangers.

+ NPR’s favorite songs of 2014.

Friday, December 12

One set-up. Ten punchlines. Twenty-nine years. An ode to one of the longest-running jokes of all time: Top 10 Things to Love About Letterman’s Top Ten Lists

+ The Navy’s “spy fish” could be operational by next year.

+ The story behind AOL’s iconic yellow running man.

+ And some advice from NY Mag’s Chloe Schama: Never date a writer. You’ll end up as material. (And never date a newsletter writer. You’ll end up broke.)

Monday, December 15

Wired provides a look at a robotic arm that tests car buttons by pressing them 50,000 times. (My kids can double that number on one drive to school.)

+ Jennie Price on the shame of being married to a MAMIL (Middle Aged Man In Lycra).

+ “Police say two carjackers almost got away with a vehicle near Ocala’s downtown skating rink Wednesday night — but they didn’t know how to drive a stick shift.”

+ At long last, the Quartz Chart of the Year.

+ 15 facts about fruitcake.

Tuesday, December 16

“I’m hoping you’ll have some of this out of your system by the time you come home for Christmas.” Two pundits were debating on C-Span, and then, “Oh God, it’s Mom.”

+ Finally, a cup of coffee to help you get some sleep.

+ Let’s get really Internetty for a second. Here the Buzzfeed list of the 50 most shared Facebooks posts of 2014.

+ Nature just took down its paywall and joined the open Internet. Looks like they’ve already got the hang of it. Here’s their video of the top ten cutest animals of science.

+ Andrew Luck loves to trash talk. Wait. Strike that. Reverse it.

Wednesday, December 17

Jeff Oberholtzer traded in a Ford F-250 he used to drive for Mark-1 Plumbing in Texas. So how did it end up being driven by terrorists in Syria (with the plumbing company’s name and number still on the driver-side door)?

+ Syndicated from Kottke: I’m adding mine to the chorus of voices praising Transparent, the Amazon Original Series starring Jeffrey Tambor, aka Arrested Development’s Pop Pop. (It’s excellent.)

+ Jeanetic Engineering: Jeans made that will prevent digital pickpocketing.

+ BBC on “the largest vessel the world has ever seen.” (That’s what sea said.)

+ Johns Hopkins to prospective students: You’ve been admitted. Oh, wait, sorry, no you haven’t.

Thursday, December 18

We had our pitchforks out in fine form this year. With that in mind, here’s an interactive and entertaining look back at the year in outrage.

+ Sad, violent, scary. As any parent will recognize, I’m talking about kids’ movies.

+ Flying this holiday season? Don’t watch this video documenting the turbulence on a recent American Airlines flight.

+ Can Blackberry recreate the magic by releasing a classic Blackberry? If they can, I’m putting all my money into rotary phones.

Friday, December 19

Twenty years of street photography has identified one clear trend. We’re all pretty boring.

+ Mysterious Boston woman is top Amazon reviewer. Everyone wants to be a star (or five).

+ Lumberjack Chic is wielding its mighty power as L.L. Bean faces a backlog on its iconic rubber and leather boots. It currently stands at 100,000 pairs. (By the time you get them, the trend will be over.)

+ A bank just valued Instagram at $35 billion. (Caveat: They were using the crazy-ass filter.)

+ And finally, a “study” suggests that people who tweet while watching TV have fewer brain cells. (Spoiler alert: It’s the not the multitasking. It’s that they’re high out of their minds.)

Monday, December 22

Just in time, Quartz is here with the complete guide to flying with kids. (Shorter version: Charge iPad. Get on plane.)

+ Slate: Pumping and dumping is pointless. Drinking while breast-feeding is fine. (This gives new meaning to “nursing a beer.”)

+Rolling Stone: The oral history of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.

+ 25 things you might not know about It’s a Wonderful Life.

Tuesday, December 23

At this point in the story, it’s hard to believe that — just a few weeks ago — Bill Cosby (and/or his management team) asked the Internet to “meme him.” From the Daily News: Corporate social media fails of 2014. (And several more from AdAge.)

+ The worst segments that appeared on cable news in 2014.

+ The 13 most viral hoaxes of the year.

+ Adam Kuban: Eight Pizzas That Haunt My Dreams.

+ The Scientology Christmas Catalog.