Artemis II, Birthright and Wrong
April 1st is a day when people share stories that seem real until you realize they’re fake. That contrasts with every day in 2026 when we’re confronted with stories that seem like they must be fake until we realize, much to our chagrin, they’re real. Let’s go with a third option. Let’s forget, just for one blurb in one edition of this newsletter, all the craziness and distortions that dominate our streams and dreams, and focus instead on what, during normal times, would be the leading story of the day: one that includes some very out of fashion elements, such as positivity, science, human achievement, diversity, unity, a projectile fired into the sky that’s not intended to blow things up, and best of all, the glorious prospect of getting the hell out of here (like way out) for a few days. I know, I know, I’m asking for the moon. But it looks like I might get it (or at least close to it). Crowds are already gathering for the scheduled launch of Artemis II, a historic NASA mission that will shoot astronauts around the moon and back on a 10-day mission. I’m a mere Humanities major, but I’m told by the internet that following a violent collision between Earth and a protoplanet named Theia, the moon was formed from the ensuing debris. Well, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. So let’s go check it out. It’s got to beat the garbage we’re dealing with down here…
+ “Before taking his last steps on the moon, NASA astronaut Gene Cernan made sure to scratch his young daughter’s initials into the lunar dust. He had some parting thoughts for the rest of humanity, too. ‘We leave as we came and, God willing, as we shall return, with peace and hope for all mankind,’ the Apollo 17 commander said before departing for Earth. That was December 1972. Now, more than half a century later, NASA may be about to fulfill Cernan’s wishes.”
+ “Their path through space could send the group farther from Earth than any human has ever ventured, surpassing the Apollo 13 distance record of 248,655 miles set in 1970.” Even though the celebration of the crew’s diversity (across race, gender, and even Canadian lines) has been deleted from government websites, it can’t be deleted from reality. Meet NASA’s Artemis II astronauts.
+ And now that you’ve met them, let’s get to know how they’ll go to the bathroom. SciAm: Artemis II’s toilet is a moon mission milestone. And a short video from BBC: “When you’re in zero gravity, how do you go to the toilet? That’s what Nasa scientists have spent more than $23 million figuring out in time for the launch of Artemis II later this week.” (I spent nearly that much on a Toto Washlet…)
+ Photos: Counting Down to the Launch of Artemis II.
Deal or No Deal
Of course, no one would possibly try to preempt coverage of a unifying human effort like a literal moonshot. Yeah, and the moon is made of cheese. President Trump has scheduled an Oval Office address around the same time as the Artemis II launch to provide an update on the Iran war. (After exploring space, NASA should increase the range of its rocket and try to explore the far reaches of Trump’s ego.) Ahead of the speech, Trump said Iran has asked for a ceasefire. Iran says it hasn’t. Meanwhile, Trump says he’s definitely considering leaving NATO. Here’s the latest from The Guardian and NYT.
+ There have been a variety of war goals that have come and gone, but getting rid of Iran’s ability to make nuclear weapons has always been at the top of the list. Has it been achieved? David E. Sanger in the NYT (Gift Article): Iran Maintains Nuclear Capacities Despite Trump’s Claim of U.S. Success.
+ Thomas Friedman in the NYT (Gift Article): “If this were not the leadership of my own country — and if Iran were not, indeed, the most destabilizing force in the Middle East and its transformation not a worthy goal for its own people and its neighbors — I’d just sit back and watch the show, savoring the spectacle of Trump getting what he deserves. But it is my country. Iran going nuclear is a threat that could unleash nuclear proliferation all across the Middle East. And we are all going to get what Trump deserves.”
+ “Rarely has a president been surrounded by such an array of toadies and lickspittles, operating beyond their competence in an atmosphere of organizational chaos.” Eliot A. Cohen in The Atlantic (Gift Article): Lions Led by Donkeys.
Birthright and Wrong
“In a post on his social media site, Trump says falsely the United States is the ‘only Country in the World STUPID enough to allow Birthright” Citizenship!’ In fact, the United States is one of more than 30 countries that confer citizenship at birth with no conditions.” (Since America has the world’s leading economy and military, wouldn’t our citizenship policies be considered pretty SMART!) Trump attended part of the SCOTUS oral arguments (becoming the first president to do so). Let’s hope the act of intimidation (and the ridiculous arguments) don’t carry the day. Key Justices Appear Skeptical of Limiting Birthright Citizenship.
Breaking Out of a Slump
“On phone calls over the past couple of weeks, we talked about cheating commissioners and deadbeat team owners, about booze- and weed-fueled draft rooms and end-of-season punishments for league losers. We talked about how difficult it can be to make small talk with other parents at the playground, about the ways relationships wither as we age. We talked, to a shocking degree, about death.” The Fantasy Baseball Ties That Bind. “How do fantasy sports leagues fit into the larger story of the male loneliness epidemic? You might be surprised.” (The Giants have won two in a row. That’s all the fantasy I need…)
Extra, Extra
How Will the Crude Feud Conclude? “If there’s irony here, it’s the tragic kind. The administration’s war of choice has made energy dangerously expensive in nearly every corner of the globe, causing needless suffering. The most fossil fuel-friendly government in recent U.S. history has shown us all just how risky reliance on oil and gas can be — and taught the world that true energy security lies in accelerating toward a cleaner, electrified future.” This Energy Crisis Is Going to Change the World. (We can hope…)
+ Swindler’s List: Proof that no headlines can shock us anymore: Federal Judge Approves Trump Effort to Obtain List of Jews From Penn. (I won’t even release the names of the Jews coming to my seder tonight.)
+ They’re Not Being Campy: You may view the phrase alpha male as ironic or funny, but “there are plenty of American men these days who regard alpha masculinity—or ‘warrior mode,’ or ‘modern knighthood,’ or other such appellations—not ironically but aspirationally. There are now programs offering to help such men achieve these aspirations, or something close … At the Men of War Crucible, you bear-crawl through rivers. At Warrior Week, you dig your own grave.” The New Yorker: The Camps Promising to Turn You—or Your Son—Into an Alpha Male. (And I thought I had it bad going away to camps that made you want to never go to camp again…)
+ Noemenclatures: “These men all knew Bryon Noem as the nice, tall insurance salesman who married Kristi Arnold, the town beauty queen who grew up to be governor. But now there were these pictures.” NYT (Gift Article): In South Dakota, Neighbors Feel Sorry for Kristi Noem’s Husband. (I sort of felt sorry for him before the pictures.)
+ Kid Gloves: Hegseth reverses Army’s suspension of aircrew who flew helicopters near Kid Rock’s home. “No punishment. No investigation, Carry on, patriots.” (I haven’t heard that line since Deflategate…)
+ Masters and Disasters: Tiger Woods says he’ll seek treatment after pleading not guilty to DUI.
+ Boss > King: “This past winter, federal troops brought death and terror to the streets of Minneapolis. Well they picked the wrong town. The power, the solidarity of the people of Minneapolis, of Minnesota, was an inspiration to the entire country. Your strength and your commitment told us this is still America. And this will not stand.” To kick off his tour, Bruce Springsteen Brings Fiery Speeches and Songs to Minneapolis. (He really couldn’t be rising to the occasion any more than he is.)
Bottom of the News
As I argue annually, April Fool’s Day pranks should have been canceled after the greatest one of them all. George Plimpton: The Curious Case Of Sidd Finch.
