During a speech back in January, Donald Trump echoed one of his familiar campaign themes when he explained: "We're going to win so much you're all going to get sick and tired of winning." It's now April, and his opponents, the GOP establishment, and political pundits are all ready to admit that they really are sick and tired of the winning: His. Last night, Trump absolutely pummeled his remaining competitors across five states, basically making the GOP nomination his to lose. Whether that reality makes you want to cheer or vomit the charred remains of your U.S. passport, we are witnessing one of the most incredible political stories in American history.

+ Slate: Trump's huge night blows up yet another narrative about his campaign.

+ Politico: Trump passes Romney's popular vote total, likely to break GOP record.

+ Not ready to accept it? Neither is Ted Cruz. He's naming Carly Fiorina as his running mate. (And Pets dot com just named her as their new CEO.)

+ "Nobody Will Ever Know." GQ with a profile of Melania Trump.

+ And here's something that news and political junkies weren't admitting to you. Or even to themselves. Until now. The Confession of a Political Junkie.

"Why are we struggling so hard to figure out how to use Trends or tweets or shares to predict elections when Google actually knows exactly how we are going to vote." In Quartz, Robert Epstein imagines a day (in the not too distant future) when big data could make actual voting obsolete. (But election day is the one day of the year many of us feel compelled to leave the house.)

+ Foursquare measured foot traffic patterns at a bunch of Chipotles, and accurately predicted the company's quarterly growth.

"I hope I never have to see a case like this again. We are adjourned." So said U.S. District Judge Thomas Durkin as he handed down a sentence of 15 months in prison to former House Speaker Dennis Hastert, who he called a "serial child molester."

+ Robert Durst will spend 7 years in prison on a gun charge.

"Around the world, when asked about their feelings on religion, more and more people are responding with a meh." From NatGeo: The World's Newest Major Religion: No Religion.

The NYT's Gretchen Reynolds on a new study where "60 seconds of strenuous exertion proved to be as successful at improving health and fitness as three-quarters of an hour of moderate exercise." Get that down to 45 seconds of moderate exercise, and I'm in.

How do you put a dent into a terrorist organization's stockpile of cash when they don't necessarily use the modern banking system? Simple. You figure out where the money is. And you blow it up. Up to $800 million in ISIS money has been destroyed by airstrikes. (This reminds me of my tech stock portfolio yesterday afternoon.)

On top of everything else, Venezuela is suffering from a severe energy shortage. How severe? They just imposed a two-day working week for public sector workers.

+ How bad is Venezuela's economy? They might not have enough money to pay for money.

"Uber has deployed its ride-hailing platform in 400 cities around the world since its launch in San Francisco on 31 May 2010, which means that it enters a new market every five days and eight hours." Let's pause briefly and look back at how the company managed to conquer one its most dubious markets. From The Guardian: How Uber conquered London.

Apple's stock price is feeling the weight of the company's first decline in quarterly revenue in 13 years. If you consider where Apple was when this streak started, it could be the most amazing run in modern business history.

+ Here are bunch of charts that tell the story of Apple's amazing growth, and its recent growing pains.

"Everyone knows eggplant is an erection and people sext with the vegetables, but that does not make it a substitute for language." Buzzfeed takes you Inside "Emojigeddon": The Fight Over The Future Of The Unicode Consortium. (I never knew that about eggplant. I've always used my Washington Monument emoji.)

+ The Guardian: "A South Sudanese player who starred for his high school basketball team as a 17-year-old student but was later arrested on suspicion that he was, in fact, 29, has insisted he made an honest mistake –- because he didn't know his real age." OK, but he was off by twelve years? Even my Tinder profile isn't that far off...

+ Wired: Dyson's First-Ever Hair Dryer Will Make All Others Look Weak. (I just aimed a Dyson hair dryer at a Dyson vacuum and created cold fusion in my living room.)