“One of the oldest matchups in family dinner history, this classic confrontation never disappoints. A tight defensive performance from Aunt Susan (one or fewer Watermelon Margaritas) should leave the vault of family secrets largely untouched. However, if Aunt Susan allows two or more Watermelon Margaritas to slip past her defensive front, we can expect the vault door to swing wide open.” Ross Bullen in McSweeney’s: Six Key Matchups to Watch During This Week’s Family Dinner at Olive Garden.