The Honey Trapdoor
Jensen Huang had sex with multiple partners, but somehow my portfolio got screwed. When it comes to Nvidia, I got in early. And I stayed in. I’m not a promiscuous trader who goes in and out, in and out. And until this week, that loyalty had paid off. Like millions of stock owners, I wish I had pulled out earlier. In fairness, nobody thought the AI’s most engorged bubble would ultimately be popped like a cheap condom by the most human of desires. I still have no idea how a guy at the center of the company at the center of the industry at the center of the global economy had the vigor and spare time to juggle numerous affairs (not to mention Donald Trump’s ego). This guy was managing the most important company in the world while managing multiple romantic partners. I’ve seen 100 megawatt data centers that burn less energy. What was he trying to do, run for president? Seriously, if Huang had any more sex out of wedlock, he’d have to rename his company X. Everyone knows the number one rule in business is that you don’t have more partners than your company. I know this seems like a lot of cheap jokes, but after this week’s hit to my portfolio, I can no longer afford the expensive ones. And I’m not the only one. Everyone had Nvidia in their portfolios. And now the thrill is gone. And so is the trill (several of them, actually). I can’t remember if it was Warren Buffett, Milton Friedman, or John Maynard Keynes who said, “Don’t tap that if it will tap the market cap.” Now, Nvidia board members are left to Purell themselves as they feverishly search for a new leader to replace their supposedly irreplaceable old one, who just issued his resignation (although, I’m guessing the board pressed Ctrl-Shift-Esc before Huang pressed Command-Q).
+ Until today, the government was telling us that we can’t drive a Polestar or buy a DJI drone, but it’s fine if Nvidia sells chips to China. And the tech industry that has been telling us that we need to risk our very existence to stay ahead of the Chinese in the AI race initially tried to brush off Huang sharing secrets with a spy as no big deal. Up is down and wrong is right in the age of corruption. Jensen Huang’s resignation means the full story is probably a lot worse than what we already know. It also suggests that there are still lines that can’t be crossed (except when it comes to the administration, whose involvement in this is likely a bigger scandal than the scandal). Now comes the hardest part. Finding a new AI CEO whom people trust when AI CEOs have spent so much time convincing us they’re not to be trusted. Whoever gets the gig is going to have some big shoes — and a lot of little leather jackets — to fill. Trump says that Tim Apple should become Timvidia. But Trump himself is heavily implicated in this disaster. I’d rather see Tim Cook replace him. (If Cook says no to Nvidia, maybe Trump will suggest Dana White for the job.)
+ Meanwhile, the Justice Department has launched several investigations into purported honey-trapping spy Alice Huang. But the people at the very top of the administration were warned about her a long time ago.
+ From washing dishes at Denny’s to rockstar of AI: the rise and fall of Nvidia’s Jensen Huang.
+ The Atlantic (Gift Article): A $5.7 Trillion Face-Plant.
+ Probably desperate to pull the attention back to himself, Elon Musk Says It Would Be an Honor to Hire Nvidia’s Huang. Huang was simultaneously betraying his wife, investors, and American values. Of course Trump and Musk love him.
+ “It has been a hard week, even for the thick-skinned. The news that Jensen Huang, a co-founder of Nvidia, admitted to an affair with a woman whom U.S. intelligence regards as a Chinese spy, has shaken not only Silicon Valley and geopolitics. It also has been an earthquake for the leather-jacket-wearing community.” Jensen Huang Betrayed the Leather Jacket Community. You can run, but you can’t rawhide.
