Circular Jerk
In 2026, there are thousands of massively scaled data centers across the world, and guys still think with their dicks. The enduring stamina of the notion that the carnal is greater than the kernel, that ramming overides the ram, and that the dong is greater than the dongle, provides yet another reminder that the key risk factors presented by the AI boom are the humans behind it (or in front of it, to the side of it, or whatever else you’re into). And thus, we found ourselves bracing for the global market response to news of Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang’s extramarital affair. Now, the idea that a tech CEO would upload his firmware into multiple devices is hardly breaking news, but in this case, at the risk of getting too graphical, Huang installed his processing unit into the wrong hosting facility. It looks like he may have been honey-trapped by a Chinese operative. This is big news because of national security, the global AI race, and Nvidia’s technological and financial prowess—and their circular deals—that place the mega-company smack dab in the middle of the AI economy, which is smack dab in the middle of the everything economy. Nvidia’s board, which denies that any damaging spying was done, has launched an internal investigation. But what, really, can be done? “Over the past four years, Jensen Huang has become the maestro of the artificial intelligence boom and its most essential billionaire executive. Nvidia, the company he co-founded in 1993, controls an estimated 90 percent of the market for the computer chips used in the big artificial intelligence projects that are driving the U.S. economy. That dominance has made Mr. Huang one of the wealthiest people in the world, as well as an ally of President Trump.” NYT (Gift Article): Is Jensen Huang Too Powerful to Be Punished by Nvidia? That’s another way of asking if he’s too big to fail. But this is hardly a time for braggadocio.
+ Trump immediately backed Jensen Huang (Huang stands accused of simultaneous infidelity and treachery. In Trumpworld, that practically qualifies him for a Presidential Medal of Freedom). But, in a twist that will surprise no one, the Trump administration could be heavily implicated in this scandal. It turns out that some inside the administration have been worried about this issue for a while. Just not the top person. Rubio Warned Officials About Nvidia Chief’s Entanglement With Chinese Spy. “Mr. Rubio’s involvement in warning administration officials about the situation has not been previously reported. It highlights how concerns about the relationship and the spying were known to senior officials even as Mr. Huang, a pivotal figure in the explosive growth of A.I., remained an influential voice with Mr. Trump over policy on the issue.” Wait, it gets shadier. Commerce Dept. Chip Inquiry Was Halted After Nvidia Intervention. “Investigators at the Commerce Department were deep into a monthslong investigation of a Singaporean company that they suspected of smuggling Nvidia’s artificial intelligence chips into China when their work came to a sudden halt late last year.”
+ WSJ (Gift Article): The Chinese Woman at the Center of a Spy Probe After an Affair With Jensen Huang.
+ So far, the tech and broader markets are holding up better than expected in light of this news. As for Nvidia, it saw about $330 billion cut from its market cap on Monday. I’m guessing most investors (and political observers) will see this as a buying opportunity.
