You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Cup

The beer-loving character Norm on Cheers, known for his famous barroom scene entry lines, once offered this gem: “It’s a dog-eat-dog world and I’m wearing Milk Bone underwear.” And that glass half-empty view on life was offered before the latest report on alcohol consumption. Long story short: BevMo? More like, BevLess. NYT (Gift Article): Health Risks of Alcohol Accelerate After One Drink a Day, Study Finds. “At one drink a day, the researchers found, there was an increased risk of premature death from an illness or injury directly attributable to alcohol, though it was small — one in 1,000 people. But the risk of premature death jumped to one in 25 for those who had two drinks a day, a level long considered safe for men, according to the study, which was published in the Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs.” Sadly, this study is coming out in 2026, an American year when even the driest of teetotalers are lining up for a turn at the keg stand. These days, you have to pregame before reading the news. For those who find the drinking news hard to swallow, there is a competing study. “It suggested that moderate drinking (up to two drinks a day for men and one for women) was healthier than not drinking at all … Some of the panelists behind that report had financial ties to the alcohol industry.” What was the title of the study? The Next Round’s on Us?

+ Guess which report is being adopted by the administration? “A study commissioned by President Joe Biden’s administration to investigate alcohol-related health harms was released independently on Tuesday, after President Donald Trump’s administration decided not to feature the researchers’ findings in new dietary guidelines as it faced pushback from the alcohol industry and a congressional committee.” Is it any wonder that reading these stories, as much as anything else, is what led to my drinking problem?