Madcap Kidnap

“Four men searched my mouth for implanted tracking devices. I had told them I didn’t have any—that, as far as I knew, such things existed only in movies. They asked if I had fillings, and I confessed that I did. They looked again. ‘No, you don’t,’ one of them corrected me, having failed to find any glint of silver. My fillings are white. The men, wearing dark civilian clothes and balaclavas, seemed convinced that these unfamiliar fillings posed a threat to their operational security. That’s when I knew that my kidnapping was going to be a little bit different.” Elizabeth Tsurkov in The Atlantic (Gift Article): I Was Kidnapped by Idiots. “To intimidate me, Maher would blow smoke in my face, but because he was using an e-cigarette, all I got was a gust of strawberry-smelling vape. It wasn’t quite the tough-guy routine he was after. Later, he tried the ‘good cop, bad cop’ routine on me but undermined the effect by playing both characters himself, on alternate days, which just made him seem deranged.” (While I’ve pulled some of the more droll outtakes, the experience and the lessons drawn from it are both interesting and serious.)