“Federal prosecutors say they’ve nabbed a would-be hitman after he submitted a job application to a website he believed let people hire assassins for pay.” It’s a killer work if you can get it.

+ Authorities investigate video of man allegedly harassing San Francisco sea lions. “In the video, the man appears to shotgun a beer before throwing the can onto the ground and backflipping into the water, to the apparent glee of the person filming the stunt. He then proceeds to swim toward the dock and chase after the sea lions while waving his arms around. The sea lions start barking frantically and jump into the water to get away from the intruder.” I guess everyone handles Twitter withdrawals in their own way…