It makes perfect sense that the biggest movie moment of the year happened on television. All the dramatic action is on TV these days, a reality hammered home by Will Smith’s bizarre slap-stick reaction to Chris Rock’s punch-line. The Oscars In Memoriam segment should have paid tribute to Will Smith’s self-control after he responded to a Chris Rock joke about Jada Pinkett Smith by storming onto the stage and slapping Rock across the face, in the most shocking moment in Academy Awards history—one that turned the Oscars from Oscar De La Renta to Oscar De La Hoya with one forehand swat. We quickly learned that Chris Rock would not be pressing charges, robbing us of the moment when one arresting police officer could say to the other, “We need some fresh prints.” The unexpected action scene was followed by the surreal dramatic conclusion that was Will Smith’s rambling speech for Best Actor for his work in King Richard (more like King Dick, amiright?). The only tears the speech jerked were his own. After allowing the entirety of Will Smith’s endless (and endlessly pathetic) address, the Academy orchestra is never allowed to play off anyone else ever again. Smith shared Denzel Washington’s admonition that, “At your highest moment, that’s when the Devil comes for you.” But Will Smith is handsome, talented, famous, wealthy, and beloved. The Devil has never been within six degrees of separation of him. What really happened is that the Devil came for Chris Rock’s face.

From the moment Will Smith turned Oscars night into Palm Sunday, outraged people took to social media to stake their positions on the matter. Some were outraged that Smith’s toxic masculinity would overtake the event, others were outraged that Chris Rock would allude to Jada Pinkett Smith’s Alopecia-driven baldness in a joke about a new GI Jane movie. But no one was really outraged. Social media has banished all us to our various politicultural micro-communities of homogeneity, and we’re all dying to be talking about the same thing at the same time (preferably not a war or a global pandemic). The faux outrage is just a manifestation of our glee at having a common, non-horrible topic of conversation. Chris Rock will turn this into a remarkably funny comedy routine. Will Smith is way too big to fail and was already back on top by the time he got to the after party. And the rest of us got to be extras in the greatest scene in television history, one that Netflix is probably already stretching into a forty-episode series called, The Slap.

+ Yes, there were also some awards. CODA won Best Picture, in a huge breakthrough for the deaf community and a huge breakthrough for streaming content (even the best movie was watched on television). Wired: Apple TV Just Won Best Picture. Everything Is Different Now. Netflix and Amazon had been vying for this breakthrough for years, which makes Apple’s win so shocking. Yes, there were outfits. And yes, there were snubs and surprises. And before all the hubbub, there were some great lines from Amy Schumer, including the best of the night: “Leonardo DiCaprio—what can I even say about him? He’s done so much to fight climate change and leave behind a cleaner, greener planet for his girlfriends.” (In retrospect, it would’ve really been something if Leo and his girlfriends had stormed the stage and tried to beat up Amy Schumer. Oh well, there’s always next year.)