Why toilet paper? The hoarding of food or sanitizer makes sense, but why have we wiped the shelves of this suddenly legendary thin sanitary absorbent paper? How did this become our commodus operandi? Our latrine age wasteland? What caused the great Charmin squeeze? How did number two turn into issue number one? Why is there nothing but a stripped cardboard tube at the end of this lavatory story? You’ve got the brains, I’ve got the brawn, so why is this necessity gone from our john? How did the White House become the only place in America with an abundance of ass-wipes? Pull up a stool as we pinch every inch to make known what was blown to leave us so alone as we groan on the throne; weepy about TP; rolling in the deep; as everything you thought you knew about this loo SKU has been flushed from your view. Let’s get the hole truth from Vox: The toilet paper shortage is more complicated than you think.

+ It’s not that you’re going more. It’s just that your going more in the same place. “In short, the toilet paper industry is split into two, largely separate markets: commercial and consumer. The pandemic has shifted the lion’s share of demand to the latter. People actually do need to buy significantly more toilet paper during the pandemic — not because they’re making more trips to the bathroom, but because they’re making more of them at home.” Will Oremus: What Everyone’s Getting Wrong About the Toilet Paper Shortage. “It isn’t really about hoarding. And there isn’t an easy fix.” (This crisis gives new meaning to Roll Your Own…)