Bell Bottom of the News

“He fixed his teeth years ago; he’s in better shape than ever. And so, we are left to search for other ways to keep track of Cruise’s allegedly advancing years. Thankfully, the release of his latest summer blockbuster has resurfaced one of the surest methods: comparing him to his old scenemate Wilford Brimley.”

+ This guy has a pretty good arm.

+ Trump’s diplomatic learning curve: Time zones, Nambia and Nipple.

+ “The device is essentially a box with an opening in the front and a floral display on top containing straw which transforms into compost for use in parks and gardens.” Paris residents peeved at eco-friendly urinals.

+ “As researchers seek new audiences for their findings, they’re busting out of basement laboratories and stuffy hotel ballrooms and infiltrating the playgrounds where today’s curious, creative minds gather.” Why scientists are infiltrating music festivals. (Luckily for scientists, the MDMA and weed at festivals has gotten so strong that people in the science tent thought they were watching a Velvet Underground cover band…)

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