“Once upon a time, thousands of years ago, a surging mass of magma beneath the Pacific Ocean burst through the earth’s crust and began burping out a stream of lava, first underwater, then above, to form land.” So it was inevitable that this would eventually lead to a dispute among neighbors. But this is no ordinary dispute. From Bloomberg: The World’s Smallest Ukulele is playing for the mere millionaires being humiliated by billionaires in paradise.

+ “Law enforcement logged nearly 16,800 calls in one year to Walmarts in Pinellas, Hillsborough, Pasco and Hernando counties … That’s two calls an hour, every hour, every day.” Tampa Bay Times explains how you sort of pay the bill for Walmart security.

+ Outside: The Most Successful Female Everest Climber of All Time Is a Housekeeper in Hartford, Connecticut.

+ Buzzfeed: “After almost a decade chasing fame, plastic surgeon Dr. Michael Salzhauer has struck gold Snapchatting boob jobs and butt lifts as Dr. Miami. But can this Orthodox Jewish father of five take his gimmick mainstream and still preserve his identity?” (I’m increasingly convinced that we’re all nuts.)