Abstract: “A genital-operated door locking mechanism to prevent persons with state-mandated unauthorized genitals from accessing public restrooms.” MCSweeney’s Randal Cooper shares his patent application for a genital-operated bathroom door locking mechanism to help protect children.

+ Slate: The Secret Language of Campus Squirrels.

+ France might pass a law that makes it illegal to send after-hours work emails. How do you say Slack in French?

+ And today in everything you believe in is based on a lie… Maybe Skipping The Morning Meal Isn’t So Bad.