Sean Combs was arrested by UCLA campus police after he allegedly assaulted a school coach (Comb’s son plays for the football team) and swung a kettlebell at an intern. Current charges include “three counts of assault with a deadly weapon, one count of making terrorist threats and one count of battery.” More kettlebell is the new more cowbell. (You want me to write that he’ll try to beat the rap, or that the cops don’t have diddy squat, or that investigators will comb the scene; but there’s no way I’d produce that kind of puff piece.)