“I scanned and sent some old Polaroids that I had of your mother in compromising positions. They were taken several years before you entered our life and forever changed it with your gentle smile and warm personality. Needless to say, you took the bait. Hook line and sinker! I love you.” From Jake Bender in McSweeney’s: I Just Catfished You, Son. Instant Classic.

+ Lifehacker: Taking notes may actually make you much more forgetful

+ A five year-old kid just became the youngest person to pass the test to become a Microsoft Certified Professional. (When he’s six, his parents are gonna have him try to figure out how to use the Microsoft Phone.)

+ Hope for humanity: When it comes to breaking the Internet, the comet beat the Kardashian. (Though it appears that she has a much longer-lasting battery pack.)