Five Ring Circus

After a week of unexpectedly weak performances, U.S. speedskaters have asked Olympic officials if they can change out of their Under Armour suits. The Mach 39 suits were supposed to give the skaters an edge. Instead, as Slate’s Justin Peters explains, “the Mach 39 has become the New Coke of skintight, high-performance skating outfits — an object of mockery and derision, a colossal flop on the biggest possible stage.”

+ Think your Valentine’s Day is complicated? At least you and your loved one don’t Curl for different countries.

+ If you can’t win gold, go for bronze. You’ll be happier than the person who wins silver.

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