It “is squat, black, and rubberized, loud as a leaf blower and powerful enough to pulverize a steer. Its 2-horsepower engine approaches the strength of a lawn mower. At 11 pounds, it’s as heavy as a cannonball … the angled blades, which travel at speeds up to 240 miles per hour, simply obliterate whatever is inside. The process creates enough friction to boil soup.” If you own one, then you already know what that describes. If not, welcome to The Cult of Vitamix.

+ Bill Gates, Secret Santa.

+ Are we approaching a bananapocalypse?

+ Celebrating the wanton violence of Home Alone 2.