“This means not only will you see six-pack abs in no-time, but you’ll also find yourself completely despondent and unable to speak after just one session.” McSweeney’s: Newscycle is the very first cycling class focused on completely exhausting you mentally and physically.

+ Great photos from the Paralympics.

+ And a couple stories to get you prepped for tomorrow’s school walkout and the ensuing debate about putting more weapons in the schools: Sheriff apologizes for accidentally leaving gun at school. And, School Resource Officer Accidentally Fires Gun Inside Alexandria School.