A guy was arrested for a DUI when he had to be woken up after parking in a Bank of America drive-through. It probably didn’t help that when he woke up, he ordered a burrito. (I’ll let you go ahead and figure out which state he was from…)

+ The Atlantic: When Your Eyes Move, So Do Your Eardrums. (And now, I can feel that happening… damn.)

+ “Neither she, nor the three other students who ate them, had lasting symptoms, though some of the students did get ‘giggly.'” Time: A 9-Year-Old Accidentally Shared Her Grandpa’s Marijuana Gummies With Her Fifth-Grade Class. (There are few things more stupid than putting pot in kids’ candies. It just makes zero sense. These products should be boycotted.)

+ Vice: The Guy Who Played Barney the Dinosaur Now Runs a Tantric Sex Business.